I met her at a bar I used to frequent. I mainly went to this bar because it was within walking distance of my place. It was also the first bar I started going to regularly after moving downtown. It had a good atmosphere and a large selection of draft beer. There was also this dark-haired female bartender working there who was pleasant and fun to be around. Incidentally, both of these girls had the same given name, but they were about as different as night and day.
The bartender was a pale skinny girl with long jet-black hair and a few visible tats on her body. I’d say she was probably one of the most attractive bartenders I’ve met downtown. She had a mild goth vibe but could actually dress in just about anything and make it work for her. I remember she also liked wearing turquoise rings. I believe her coworkers saw her as being somewhat narcissistic, but I didn’t have to work with her professionally. I just know she was always sweet to me, and I found her very likable.
The girl I met in this bar was quite different. She had long curly hair that was dirty blond in color. Some of the people who met her said she favored Jennifer Lawrence. I didn’t immediately see that, but after I heard it said, I could see a little bit of a resemblance. This girl was much tanner than the bartender and spent quite a lot of time at the pool during the Summer, sometimes too much, and came out looking like a lobster.
The fun of people watching
I’m not quite sure how we became introduced, maybe it was the bartender. I know this bartender was quite fond of introducing me to new people, which is one of the reasons I liked her. However it happened, it happened, and I remember we talked about something on the television. The screen was on, but there was no sound, and it might not have even been our native language. As we watched it, we started trying to figure out what was going on just by the actions. Were they having an argument? Was this about to be a romantic scene? We just started guessing and talking about it, and it turned out to be a fun game.
What we were basically doing was people watching characters on TV. At about this point, our conversation turned to the subject of people watching in real life. I had heard this phrase before, and I definitely noticed human behavior, but I don’t ever really remember having an in-depth conversation about it. She apparently had considerable experience with it, and thought it was very entertaining. She said her and her dad used to do it at restaurants when she was growing up. She seemed to have a very good relationship with her dad.
There is definitely ample opportunity to watch people in bars. It’s probably the best place in the world for people watching. There are lots of people, from all walks of life, interacting with each other in a variety of ways. The game is trying to figure out as much as you can about them through mere observation, filling in the gaps with your intuition, and a little bit of imagination. What are they talking about? Where are they from? Did they meet here, or already know each other? Is this a date? How’s the date going? Good or bad? Is there going to be a fight? What’s going to happen next? This was a game we enjoyed that night, and many other nights to come.
Guys on the phone
People watching at the bar wasn’t the only game we played that involved observing human behavior. We often ventured onto the subject of her dating life. She was on a couple of dating apps as I recall, and part of our nightly talk sometimes involved looking at profiles and deciding which guy she should date next, how she should respond to their messages, etc. It honestly felt more like a game at the time than it did dating. I didn’t say anything because it was good fun, but it actually kind of turned me off to see how many poor guys there were chasing after one girl who had lots of other prospects.
She went on dates practically every weekend and sometimes during the week. I’m sure she could easily date a different guy every night of the week if she wanted. She was always excited to tell me all about the date the next time she saw me. Sometimes it would even be the same night. She would be texting me throughout the whole date. If it wasn’t going well, she would make up an excuse to go home, and then go to the bar where I was to have drinks and talk. Sometimes they would text her, telling her good night, and she was actually out on the town.
I remember one night she got such a text while we were looking at her phone together, and I noticed something interesting when she pulled up her message list. There wasn’t even a single guy’s name saved on any of the contacts, and they were all guys she had dated. I remember asking her, how do you know which one is which? She said, I don’t. I have to go back and read a little of the text to remember which date it was. I was shocked by this to be honest, so I had to ask her, am I saved in your contacts? She said yes and pulled it up right there to show me. I said, how long did it take for you to enter my name? She said, oh, I entered it the first night I talked to you. I knew we were just friends, but still, I wanted to know if I was important enough to have my name remembered.
Friendly to the next level
We were in fact, really great friends by that time, and she had also become my perfect drinking companion. She could drink quite a bit and not get drunk, but honestly, most people thought she was drunk just by how she behaved. One time a bartender actually cut her off after like a couple of drinks. They didn’t think it was quite normal for a sober person to be so incredibly friendly. She would literally go around the bar talking to everyone. I’ve never saw anyone so good at striking up a conversation.
One thing I loved about her is that she was a really great ice breaker for me, since I was much shyer at that time. I also felt like she added something to me, something positive. I became more interactive and sociable, especially when she was with me. I also came to appreciate all the people around me. They intrigued me more, and I wanted to know all about them. I wanted to hear all their stories. I started to love conversing with random strangers almost as much as she did.
There were problems with being too friendly in a bar though. She really didn’t seem to have a filter at all. She would talk to anyone around her. I remember there was a bartender at one of the bars that used to try and caution her about this. After she would break the ice that was better left frozen, he would come up to her and say, what did I tell you about stranger danger? He did it with a smile, but I think it was mildly unnerving to him.
We sort of became known at the bars where we went around. Bartenders and patrons alike began to associate us with each other. They saw us talking all the time and started to assume we were a couple or something. Once again, the extreme friendliness seemed to be taboo. On one occasion, a guy actually came up to me when she was in the bathroom and said, how long you guys been married? I was like, since never!
Her positivity and hyper friendliness were great in my opinion, but not everyone appreciated or liked that part of her personality. They instead found her very annoying. I remember she would tell me stories about how some women at work didn’t like her, making it difficult to keep her job. I would hear all about the work drama every time we went out, and she was always looking for a better job.
The relationship with mom
Another thing I noticed was that she seemed to have a bad relationship with her mom. She moved very far away from her hometown, and it sort of became apparent that it was because of her mother. I remember one time she got a call from her mom because she turned on some app, and her mom, many states away, noticed she was at a bar because the app showed her location. Her phone lit up repeatedly after that with text after text, and call after call, until she eventually walked off and called her. She literally came back in tears! She said her mom told her she would never be able to get a good husband like her sister. She also told me that her mom’s best friend told her she should get away from her mother, because the way her mom treated her was not right. I tend to believe this was good advice, seeing the amount of emotional damage her mom’s words caused her.
Her mom probably didn’t intend to hurt her feelings this badly. I feel like she was just a very controlling person. She wanted her daughter to fit in with the people she approved. It was basically a class thing. I might add that this girl’s dad worked for a large bank, and they seemed quite wealthy. Sometimes the best intentions cause the most harm. In my opinion, insults and hurtful words often don’t lead to the expected outcome, because they cause damage that leads to even worse decisions.
The broken tibia
It got to the point where we were having drinks quite often, even during the week. It was really fun, and we met lots of new people every night. Unfortunately, I think it was hard going out drinking every night and going to work the next day. I don’t know if it was the cause, or if it was personality conflicts at work, but she began to have a harder time holding on to her job.
One night I got a text and she said she had an accident. I wasn’t sure what she meant. She said she was at work and just kind of twisted her foot and fell. When she told me this, I was thinking, okay, she sprained her ankle and will have to rest a couple of days. Unfortunately, a relatively small accident caused a lot of damage.
She actually broke her tibia. She said the ER doctors were baffled as to how a slight fall could cause such a bad break. They said they usually only see something like this in a vehicle accident. Luckily, she was at work when it happened, so it was covered by worker’s compensation, but it put even further strain on her already stressed relationship with her employer. She also lived in an apartment that had no elevator, so she decided the best course of action was to move back home until her leg healed. This put her back at her mom’s house many states away, and I honestly wasn’t sure that she would ever come back.
She and I kept in contact by texting now and then. I was mainly checking in to see how she was doing. She usually reported that her leg was healing but her mom was driving her nuts, and she couldn’t wait to go back to her apartment. She did get to see her young niece, and that made her happy, as I recall.
Life in the friend zone
She eventually returned, and we started hanging out again. It was really kind of different when she got back to town. It wasn’t long until they let her go at her job. Because she had a lot less money, she had to let her downtown apartment go. She moved in with one of her friends, but they kind of lived in the suburbs, so she wasn’t able to frequent the downtown bars very easily because they were too far away.
For a while, she would Uber downtown, but that was kind of expensive. I paid for the Uber and her drinks a lot of nights because she was still looking for a job. This raised the suspicion of some people even more that we were in some sort of relationship, but we were really just friends. It was hard for people to wrap their head around, and some people thought she was just using me. I remember there was this one bartender who told me, I’m sorry to say this, but she friend zoned you a long time ago. I was like, you don’t understand, we were always just friends!
The way people perceived us began to really get in the way of our friendship. People didn’t know what to think of it. They were people watching us, but they were getting it all wrong. They saw what they wanted, not what was real, and they couldn’t accept the truth. It felt really gross when someone would insinuate that we were a couple and she would have to say, no, we are just friends. It was the truth, but it made it sound like I wasn’t good enough for her. It got to the point where I would say it first just to keep my pride from being knocked across the room. I’m not sure, but that might have hurt her pride for me saying it. It couldn’t be helped either way though.
Probably the worst blow to our pride came one night when we had a conversation about it. She said she didn’t want to lead me on, and she wasn’t attracted to me. I agreed with her and said I feel the same way, that I wasn’t attracted to her either. It was true, but two people telling each other they are not attracted to each other doesn’t feel very good. I think deep down inside we sort of want to think we are attractive people. Otherwise, we feel like we are ugly. Being open about how we viewed each other’s appearance seemed like we were both slapping each other in the face.
I was utterly confused by the relationship myself and couldn’t figure out how to keep it going as a friendship. We began to see a lot less of each other, but we remained friends. She would occasionally come into town and have drinks on the weekend and catch me up on her life. She really loved telling me all about it.
The Angel Shot
I remember one time I took a ride share out to her neighborhood and we went to a bar to eat and have drinks. We did our people watching thing there and met a group of people. While we were talking to them, they mentioned something about an Angel Shot. This was a new thing for us. Neither one of us knew what this meant at the time. If you haven’t heard of an Angel Shot before, it is a special drink you can order at any bar, and it is supposed to secretly alert the bartender that you are in trouble and need help. Basically, it isn’t a drink at all, but a kind of distress call.
The next day I went downtown to a bar I frequent and one of the bartenders started talking to me. She looked at me funny and said, it’s been such a wild night, someone came in earlier on a date and ordered an Angel Shot. Then the bartender said, in all my years as a bartender, this was the first Angel Shot that anyone has ordered from me.
At this point, all the dots connected. We just found out about the Angel Shot the night before, and she was already putting it to use. I said, this Angel Shot, was it by any chance ordered by the girl I often come in with? She said, yea, I know you and her are very close, and I thought you might know how she’s doing. I said, I don’t know, she hasn’t told me about it yet.
The bartender then told me the story. She said, she came in with a date, and he seemed like a nice guy, kind of shy. There didn’t seem to be any disturbance between them. Then the girl walked up to the bar and ordered the Angel Shot. The bartender said she talked to her privately, and the girl said, the date isn’t going well, and I need to get away.
Since it didn’t look like she was in any danger, the bartender helped her to sneak out of the bar, and she went on to another bar, leaving the date behind. The bartender then told me that her date sat there for a while, waiting for her to come back from the bathroom, which she never did, and so he just walked out. She said he looked disappointed, but not really upset, and she kind of felt sorry for him. Then the bartender told me that she didn’t think she was in any danger. It was just an awkward date, and Angel Shots are supposed to be reserved for dangerous scenarios only.
After this conversation, I texted my friend to see if she had been to that bar recently. She then said, yea, and I have a story to tell you. She met me at the bar later and basically told me the same story. She then admitted that she shouldn’t have ordered the Angel Shot. She just panicked and wanted to get away from the date.
Questionable behavior
Now I should mention that on a few occasions I recall this girl talking about mental health. I believe I should have picked up on something there. She mentioned that everyone struggles with mental health and gets depressed sometimes. It seemed like a casual statement to make, and I agree that life can be quite a struggle, but maybe I should have seen this as a kind of hint for things to come.
After she finished telling me about the date and her escape to another bar, she began talking to me about this new guy she had met. She said she met him at the bar she went to after she escaped the date and told him the whole story. She said he had this strong foreign accent, which really turned her on. Then she said, she usually doesn’t just leave with someone she just met, but she was really into him, so they left together.
This is where the story gets weird. She told me she walked back to his vehicle with him. Then she said, don’t judge me, I know this is weird, but the vehicle he drives looks like a kidnapper van. She then showed me a picture she had taken. It was a plain looking white van and did indeed look like something a perverted kidnapper would drive. She then said, he lives in the van. He’s turned it into a sort of RV and travels all over the country in his van. She said, he has a YouTube channel and posts videos as he travels. At this point, she commenced giving me the graphic details of the wild sex she had with him in the van.
After this story, I was shocked, to say the least. She left what appeared to be a benign timid date at a bar after potentially getting him in trouble with an Angel Shot, and then sneaks off to have crazy sex with someone who could pass for a kidnapper or serial killer. At this point, I was thinking, what are the chances that a videographer is smart enough to hide cameras in his van, then invite girls back to have sex with him and film it? Pretty good I’d say. The weirdest thing was how she said she didn’t want to get her hopes that he would swing back through town. I’m like, nope, he’s not likely to come back.
Making sense of it all
More dots began to connect. She’s constantly meeting new guys and going on dates. All her relationships are very short in nature. She might talk about how great the date is at first, like he’s such a gentleman, then turn on him and see him as bad or arrogant, which also explains why she ordered the Angel Shot. Couple all this behavior with emotional damage from a parent, and it begins to look suspiciously like she is dealing with a personality disorder.
I’ve had some experience with this type of disorder before, but I really didn’t see it in her at first. After this last wild story, I decided I should at least let her know that she might need therapy. This didn’t go over well. She got mad at me for even suggesting it. Eventually, she got over her anger with me, and I think she realized I was just trying to help. That being said, it was probably the last time I really talked to her, other than an occasional hello when I see her.
Even though we don’t talk anymore, I will always see her as a great friend and a wonderful person. I’m glad I met her. She made me much more socially capable. I owe her for that. I wish her the best, and I hope she never crosses paths with someone truly dangerous.
Mental health is a very serious subject. I have struggled with depression myself, and I know people who are fighting battles in their mind that we can’t even imagine. I hope we remember to treat everyone we meet with kindness, because we never really know what that person is going though. God Bless!
Possible discussion ideas
- Have you ever tried people watching?
- Are dating apps good or bad?
- Do girls find it much easier to get dates?
- Do you think being too friendly is dangerous?
- Is it hard for guys and girls to just be friends?
- Ever heard of an Angel Shot?
- How important is good parenting to mental health?
- Do you know anyone with a personality disorder?
Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!
Ken's Life 