Tag: anger

My secret skills

Today’s question is what’s a secret skill or ability I have or wish I had? I have quite a few skills, but I don’t know that any of them are secret. I’ve used most of them openly in school and at work.

My secret ability

There is an ability I have that I don’t say much about. I can often see through people’s schemes, but I usually don’t tell them about it. Basically, there are many instances where I can perceive that a person is lying to me about their true intentions. I often play along and feign naivete, but I am secretly thinking out how to neutralize anything harmful. Telling them I know would just give them the upper hand, and possibly make them angry. It makes me sad when I see someone do this though, as it means they are not truly my friend. They are a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Luckily, most people are not nefarious like this, but I am still forced to keep my guard up at all times, and that can be tiring.

Wishful thinking

I can think of one ability I wish I had, but it might be more like a superpower. I wish I could be someone else. An example happened last night. I saw a group of people that I sort of wanted to blend in with, but I intuitively knew they were not the type of people who would naturally desire my company. I wish I was the type of person who could just blend in with anyone I wanted. I think this would be the greatest skill you could ever master, but I’m a long way from that presently.

On the reverse of that, I am sometimes approached by types who aren’t really good for me. I’m always nice, but I know there is no growth potential there for either of us. It’s an odd predicament. If only I could wake up tomorrow as the right kind of person. Of course, this might break the synchronicity I have with some people who do make my life better. Acquiring and keeping the right people in your life is really hard work.

What secret ability do you have? What ability do you wish you had? Can you see through people’s schemes? Do you sometimes play naive? Do you ever wish you were a different person? Would you like the ability to blend in with anyone you choose? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe! Thanks for being here!

Never surrender.

Today something triggered an old memory from my childhood. It’s one of those memories that just sticks in your head because it tells you something about who you really are inside. We believe we know ourselves, but it’s these odd moments in our lives that bring out the best and worst in us, and we actually discover our true colors.

It all started with basketball. I remember one time when I was a small kid, we were let out of school early so we could go over to the gym and watch a basketball scrimmage between some of the older boys. At that young age, what I saw was just a bunch of boys running back and forth on a court while trying to throw a big orange looking ball in a netted hoop. The goal of the game seemed to be getting the greatest number of balls in the hoop.

Their method of making the most shots seemed to be highly inefficient to me though. They kept blocking each other from making shots. If they just shared the ball back and forth, they could maximize the number of shots they made. They could easily earn more points than the scoreboard would allow in one game if they worked together, but they didn’t work together. It seemed like the real goal of the game was just to fight each other over the ball. I really didn’t understand that mindset.

As I saw more basketball games, I began to note that arguments would often emerge and people would yell at each other, especially at the referees. When rival teams from other towns came to play, the emotional flames seemed to leap even higher. Threats and insults would often be shouted, and sometimes even actual violence would emerge.

After taking all this into consideration, it seemed to me that it wasn’t actually worth it. Sports like this didn’t encourage good thoughts and positive emotions. It seemed more like war than a game, and it felt like kids were being trained to embrace bad emotions, like anger and hatred. I decided I didn’t really like sports at that point, but I didn’t dare say anything about it. I felt like I was the only person on earth like this, and what I wanted most was to be like everyone else.

Even though I didn’t like sports, it didn’t prevent me from having to play them. It seemed pushed on me. I remember one year I tried to take a different class last period. It was a class that allowed me to make things in a shop. Not enough people signed up for the class though, so they told me I would have to go back to the gym. This was very disappointing to me. Sports was considered more important than creativity and making things. I didn’t understand why.

During one of these gym classes, the defining moment that became burned into my mind forever happened. We had done lots of exercises like shooting the ball, dribbling the ball, moving up and down the court, etc. I didn’t really mind these exercises too much, but then the coach did something that I didn’t really like. He put me on the court with another player, who happened to be one of my cousins.

He wasn’t really my best cousin either. There was something about him that always made me a bit uneasy. I didn’t know what it was back then, but I later realized it was envy. I was very creative when I was young, and he hated that because he didn’t have any similar talent. I found this out because he once destroyed one of my creations and laughed about it. It felt like he was trying to make me angry, but it didn’t work. The act of creating was the enjoyable part for me, not the finished product.

When the coach put us out there, we were supposed to play each other like I had seen in the scrimmage. Basically, it was a one-on-one scrimmage. I was expected to dribble the ball down the court and try to make a basket while my cousin tried to stop me and steal the ball if possible. I found myself on the court squaring off against a kid who didn’t really like me that much in the first place. The fuel for the fire was in place now, and just waiting for the match to drop.

When the game started, I had the ball and began dribbling it around, deciding how I would proceed down the court. I expected him to try and block me and get in my way. That didn’t bother me too much though. What bothered me was the look he was giving me. There was something awful possessing him! He was right up in my face! He didn’t look like someone who was simply carrying out an objective of blocking my progress. He looked at me like I was an enemy. His face was full of hatred! It wasn’t just a game anymore.

At this point, I felt like I had two possible choices I could take. I could allow the demon of competition to enter my soul and wear the same ugly hate face my cousin was wearing, or I could tell this nasty spirit that I refuse to play games with it. I grabbed the ball in my hand and tossed it right at my opponent. He was dumbfounded at first but was soon rushing down the court to make a goal. I didn’t pursue or try to stop him.

At this point, something really crazy happened. The demon become so infuriated that it leaped right out of my cousin and into the coach. He rushed out on to the court full steam and got right up in my face, just like my cousin had done, me being just an unimposing schoolboy mind you. His face was beet red, and he was screaming at me, what the hell are you doing, Ken! You gave the other team the ball!

I was looking at him directly in the eyes at this point, because he was bent down and our faces were only about nose length apart, but I don’t remember feeling scared at all. It just seemed odd that a grown man could be so easily overtaken with this wicked fury. It’s like neither of them had any protection against it. After a moment, when it became apparent that his anger wasn’t arousing the least bit of emotion from me, he pointed to the bleachers and said, go sit down! Of course, that suited me perfectly.

I don’t really have any regrets about my choice that day. I was the one who was perfectly calm while they were possessed by negative emotions. Staying calm is a characteristic I have always tried to embody, but I still have to guard myself from these temptations trying to infiltrate my soul. In reality, there is only one battle going on, and it is entirely spiritual. Another thing I can take away from that day is that sometimes giving up is the only way to never surrender.

Note: This isn’t meant to be a rant against game playing. It is about how envy and competitiveness often lead to anger and hatred.

Do you have anger management advice? Has there been a time when giving up was your best option? Have any advice on dealing with envious people? Do you think there is a spiritual battle going on around you? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

I am holding a grudge!

I am holding a grudge! It’s not against any human being though. I honestly believe people are mostly confused bystanders, so I forgive them. I have a grudge against the material universe! It has done so many terrible things to my soul. For the life of me, I do not see why I have put up with the relationship for as long as I have. I should have kicked it out a long time ago. Here are some of the things that make me want to break up with the material world and start dating a new universe.

  1. The universe will not let you meet the right person at the right time. The universe will watch you suffer with loneliness until you give up and settle, then introduce you to your soulmate. If you’re lucky it will spare you the pain of watching them date your best friend.
  2. The universe does not present you with what you really want. It gives you a selection of things that are of the lesser of two evils variety, then it will bestow what you really wanted on someone who didn’t deserve it to make you turn on them.
  3. When it looks like things are really in the clear, and you’ve made it, the universe will throw you an unbelievably bad circumstance that will ruin everything you have done up to this point. You will have to start completely over.
  4. The universe will not let bad things happen in a way you can deal with them. It will throw a tantrum and flood you with every bad thing imaginable at once, literally, it will totally suffocate the life out of you. It is an abusive partner.
  5. The universe will never allow there to be plenty to go around. It will limit all the resources to the point that everyone is killing each other over them to avoid starvation. It secretly laughs at the chaos it’s caused human beings.
  6. The universe will inflict pain, illness, and death on you and everyone you love, so you will realize how helpless and pathetic you are in comparison to it’s glorious greatness. Yes, it is the most narcissistic being you will ever date.
  7. It will bind you up in an unbelievable number of promises, obligations, responsibilities, and contracts, to the point where you will never even begin to work on the things your life was supposed to be about. It will make you it’s slave.
  8. It will eat away at your soul, inch by inch, making you a bitter person, trying to force you to give up all your love, hope, and faith, because those are the only weapons that can leave it wounded and bleeding.

Do any of these things sound familiar to you? Are we dating the same person? Has your love affair with the material world ever gone sour for you? Has it shown you it’s true colors yet? Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and comment!

The people in my dreams.

I admit I don’t remember my dreams as often as I did when I was growing up. Maybe if I thought about it before I went to sleep, or wrote my dreams down when I woke up, then I would begin to remember them better. I do like them in general, the good ones anyway. It just seems like there’s so much going on that my dreams seem unimportant, but maybe there’s something to learn from them.

I remember having all kinds of dreams growing up, good dreams I didn’t want to wake up from, and nightmares where I was happy to have a place to wake up to, because I wouldn’t want to be stuck in one of those forever. I must admit that did scare me some as a kid. What if I couldn’t make myself wake up? I think that would be a kind of hell.

I also remember interacting with lots of characters in my dreams. Occasionally it would be someone I know from the waking world, though they were often not exactly like I knew them in person, but I knew it was them somehow. I often wondered about this. Was I also in their dream that night? Did we dream the same dream?

I think the most interesting characters in my dreams though, were the ones I didn’t know at all. Where did they come from? Maybe they were just a product of my imagination, but they seemed to say and do things that made sense, and I didn’t tell them how to behave. Do they think like people? I also used to imagine that they were real people too, just living somewhere else, in a place I’ve never been.

One of the oddest things though, is that sometimes these people in my dreams came back on other nights, but in different dreams. They seemed to have permanence of some kind from night to night. Maybe not the next night, but sooner or later they would reappear. They were like dream companions or something. I remember I even liked a few of them, and thought it was too bad they were not in the real world.

What does my recollection of the old dreams I had as a kid matter now? I was just thinking about how real-world relationships differ from those in the dream world. These friends in my dreams would come and go, but I never feared they would disappear forever. I knew they were always around somewhere, and when the right time came around, we would again have a dream adventure together.

In the real world, relationships don’t quite behave this way. They are kind of sticky. You may try to keep some person in your life longer than they should be, or longer than they want to be. They might also try to hold on to you for longer than they should. Because of this stickiness, some disconnects can cause anger and hurt feelings, leading to permanent separation. A relationship with one person can also get in the way of a relationships with another. You might even find yourself wanting to be alone just to avoid these relationship problems.

From this comparison, I was pondering the idea that maybe there is something to learn from dream relationships. What if we were able to move freely through life letting connections with people come and go, and come again, as circumstances unfold, without trying to control everything and everyone. Maybe dream relationships are how we are supposed to be in real life, but the circumstances of this reality blind us to the perfection that is within our soul and demonstrated in the dream reality.

Just a thought to ponder. Enjoy!

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. Do you think dreams are important? If so, why?
  2. Do people in your real life appear often in your dreams?
  3. Have you met people in your dreams that you don’t know?
  4. Do you have recurring dreams, or recurring people in your dreams?
  5. Do places you have seen only in your dreams recur?
  6. What are your thoughts on relationship stickiness?
  7. Do you think dream relationships are pleasant?
  8. Who would you most like to meet in your dreams?

Thanks for reading! I can’t wait to hear from you! Please remember to like, comment, share, and subscribe!

A word that too many people use.

On a few occasions, I have considered writing about a word that too many people use. The word that comes to mind is the word stupid. Growing up, I heard this word all the time. I believe everyone has used the word before. Some people use it all day long. Sometimes people ignore it, sometimes people get mad, sometimes they admit it, and sometimes they call themselves stupid, but it is a word that I believe no one should use at all. This also applies to other words with a similar meaning that are equally misused, like dumb, ignorant, retarded, idiotic, foolish, moron, imbecile, etc.

The reason why I think no one should use it is because the definition people have of it has nothing to do with what the word really means. If you look these words up in the dictionary they will likely lead you to believe that they are referring to a slow person, or someone of low intelligence. That has nothing to do with it. People with high or normal IQ probably get called stupid as much as people with a low IQ. In fact, people would feel guilty about calling someone dumb if they actually did have a learning disability.

So what does the word stupid really mean? Stupid is a word that is used to manipulate or bully people into conformity. If you disagree with something that someone did, or you don’t like the way they are living, you call them names. The idea is that they will change their behavior of you call them stupid. Very often though, people don’t call you stupid to your face because they don’t want you to realize they are your enemy. They say it to other people with the hopes of destroying you reputation to the point that no one will believe anything you say, or maybe even shun your company. It’s the same objective that all bullies have, without the violence.

I know everyone is unique and they have views that I may not agree with, but it’s not my job, or even my right, to tell them how to live. It’s also not right for me to say words that might destroy them just to build the kind of society that I feel comfortable living in. It took me many years to fully understand this truth. They were give something very special by their creator. They were given their own life to live and a mind to direct them. Likewise, I was given mine, and I would appreciate the same courtesy.

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. Did you ever consider the real meaning of these words?
  2. How does it make you feel being called names?
  3. Were you ever bullied through the use of words?
  4. Ever have people slander you behind your back?
  5. Is it hard to resist the urge to call someone stupid?
  6. Do you believe people should be allowed to be themselves?
  7. Do you think everyone should conform?
  8. What words that denote promiscuity, are they spoken

Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

What brings me peace.

What brings me peace? I’ve mentioned this in a couple of other posts (My Favorite State of Mind, It Happens Every Night), but what brings me the most peace is the time right before I drift off to sleep. It is a point where I have let go of everything that happened that day, everything that ever happened actually. It’s a time when I know I won’t have to think about anything for the next six to eight hours.

This brings me to the question of what exactly is peace? I suppose like all words and phrases, it can mean something slightly different for everyone. The coolest thing about us is that we each have a very unique perspective and experience the world in different ways.

One might define peace as the state of not being at war, but what is war? In general, war is man’s competitive nature taken to an extreme. He either wants to claim property that will aid his own survival using destructive means, or he is afraid that his property is in danger of being taken and he resists with violence. Sometimes, the property is merely the ego of the leader. He is locked into the material possessions of this world to the point that he will murder those who threaten it.

It has been said by others that we are all really at war. The scarcity of things in the material world puts us at risk of not having enough. We must therefore do what we can to gain enough for our own survival and prosperity. We usually don’t physically fight for things, but every bargain and transaction we make in life is mini battle and there are winners and losers.

If I sell you something, I want you to pay me the most for it, and you want to pay me the least for it. If I get more, my chances of survival increase. If you pay less, your chances of survival increase. We are also aware that if we push it too far, we will cause hurt feelings or anger. We must battle each other and our own feelings to come up with an acceptable bargain, and some are just better at it than others. There are winners and losers every day in the game of life.

Aside from property, there are other things we fight to gain or keep. It might be our reputation. If someone insults it and others believe them, we might not be liked anymore. This will also lower our chances of prosperity. Every day we enter a battlefield to protect our dignity and what we believe. The competition can exhaust us, even when we win, and sometimes it’s a short victory, because we know the envious will return tomorrow to fight again.

You eventually find yourself at a point where you just want to exit the arena, but there are few exits for the gladiators of life. This is the definition of peace for me. It’s reaching the state where you just let go of it all. You don’t care if you win or lose. You realize that in the end your enemies will gain nothing anyway. As in that old movie War Games, the only winning move is not to play.

A strange game, the only winning move is not to play.

Joshua – War Games (1983)

Now I just let myself drift back into slumber, and watch the material reality dissolve into oblivion, and slowly find my way home, to the kingdom of peaceful sleep.

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. What brings you peace?
  2. Do you think life is full of competition?
  3. Do you ever get tired of fighting?
  4. Anyone ever tried to tear down your reputation?
  5. What would the world be like if we didn’t fight each other?
  6. Do you think letting go is the first step to peace?

I hope we all win! Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments! Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe! Oh, and sweet dreams tonight!

Dinner with a married girl.

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I saw the Colosseum in grade school.

In the very early years of my childhood, I was seldom exposed to violence. I should probably count myself lucky for that, because I know it’s not always the case with every child, but because of this lack of experience, my first impressions of it really burned into my memories.

One such memory I have was back when I was in grade school. It probably started out like any other day. It seems like everything went according to routine during my school years, maybe even more so than my later college years, or working years. You got up, ate breakfast, went to school, moved to various rooms, and eventually ended up in the gymnasium for PE by the end of the day. This one day in particular though, had something quite different lined up for me.

I remember walking out of the gym that day and I was met by quite a noisy commotion taking place on the playground. It was coming from a group of small children, about my age, all huddled around in a wide circle, and yelling at the top of their little lungs. My natural curiosity got the better of me, and so I wove my way through the crowd to see what they were all worked up over.

At the middle of this circle of kids, there was two boys, and both of them were mad as hell at each other. They were striking at each other ferociously, trying to land a painful blow, while wrestling around and kicking up dust all over the place. It was like something I might have seen in a western movie or something, but I had never seen anything like this in real life. I was witnessing my first real life fight.

I really didn’t know what to think of it, but mostly I was appalled by it. It honestly seemed senseless to me at that age. I wasn’t a violent person really, and the thought that I might one day be one of those kids in the ring kind of made me sick to my stomach.

It really wasn’t the two angry guys in the middle that disturbed me the most though. It was the circle of fight crazed onlookers that really shook me up. They were all yelling things like punch him, get him, kick his ass! They each had a dog in this fight and were yelling support for their contender to win.

It was quite shocking to me how kids that were normally quiet and playful could become so crazed and bloodthirsty. This was really my first observation of how violent human beings could become, and they were still just in grade school. I shuddered to think of what they might do as adults. At that moment, I felt totally alienated from the human race, and I was asking myself, what on Earth have I gotten myself into? I simply did not see the world through the same lens.

Years later, when I learned about gladiators and the Colosseum, I was reminded of these crazy grade schoolers. I had seen in them, the same viciousness that Rome had left fully unbridled, but modern society fought so hard to tame, and I’m glad we took a road less violent.