Playing favorites

Today I am asked what’s something most people don’t understand? There are actually quite a few things that people don’t understand, but I have one in mind that I keep encountering. People are not aware that everything in our world is greatly influenced by individual biases and favoritism.

I used to be very concerned about how well I did. I wanted to please friends, colleagues, employers, etc. In general, I felt like I did a pretty decent job, until I ran into someone who had a bias. What I mean is someone who is strongly influenced by their likes and dislikes. They tend to have certain people they like, and other people they don’t like, and never will like. Unfortunately, their likes and dislikes lead them toward irrational decision making, which can be very costly to an organization. In my own experience, I have also found that it is next to impossible to change their biases.

For instance, if you are not the type of person they like, you are probably going to be passed over for all the big promotions, regardless of your performance. They are going to give it to their special people (i.e. the people they like). They are also going to try and run you off by creating a toxic work environment for you. They may do other obnoxious things, like accentuating tasks that their favorite people are skilled in, while belittling other tasks, regardless of the true value of those tasks. This can cause a company to focus on low value objectives.

The behavior of playing favorites is highly related to something called cronyism. Cronyism is the managerial and political practice of giving jobs to friends rather than people with the necessary skills and qualifications. Sometimes people resort to cronyism because they are afraid to hire people who might one day take their job. They figure if they hire unqualified friends, those friends will be loyal and too incompetent to overtake them. In general, this is the opposite of how you should hire people.

I once heard it phrased like this:

First rate managers hire first rate people.
Second rate managers hire third rate people.

On the flip side, it’s very possible that someone can be on the other end of this and not realize it. I’ve seen people receive special treatment from their boss without even realizing it was due to favoritism. They sincerely think they were the best person for the job and their work is top notch. No one tells them any different because they don’t want to get on the boss’s bad side. If someone does tell them, it is likely they will just chalk it up to envy. This is a delusion caused by their pride.

The point I am trying to make here is that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. It might not be your fault at all. Look around for the signs. You might be dealing with a crony leader who plays favorites.


Have you ever worked for someone who played favorites? Have you seen unfair promotions? Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? How does this influence office politics? Let me know your experience, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

I’m reading books.

The prompt for today is about what book I’m reading, which seems well timed. I started gathering reader suggestions a little while ago, and I’m working my way through that list right now. Feel free to add to it by suggesting books in the comments of that post. Maybe you would also like to read along with me if you see one that interests you.

The main book I’m working on at the moment is Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. I’m not very far into it yet. The book is interesting, but it brought back a few unpleasant childhood memories. I witnessed the same hyper competitiveness and bullying that is being depicted in the book back in school. I wasn’t overly competitive growing up, so I avoided most of that myself, but I definitely saw it around me. I wrote something about it in a previous post about the first fight I ever witnessed.

Fighting and bullying is really the ugly side of humanity. Most people grow out of the violence when they reach an age where they can get in trouble with the law for assault and battery, but some people don’t learn their lesson until they experience jail time. Unfortunately, those who manage to quell their need to hit others, often end up channeling their hatred into other negative pursuits, like office politics instance.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with office politics half my adult life, and quite frankly, it disgusts me. It seems like there’s always at least one person who spends most of their time criticizing and bringing people down because of extreme envy. To be honest, I’d just like to do my job and go home. I’m not there to beat anyone. I’m honestly one of those people who hope we all win. Work should be about completing the tasks you are assigned, not a childish game for egomaniacs. That’s my opinion anyway.

From what I’ve read so far, Ender’s Game sort of reminds me of another book I read called Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Both books describe a group of boys in a highly competitive environment. I’m not sure how Ender’s Game will turn out, but hopefully not like Lord of the Flies. Things got really out of hand in that book. I would say it’s a pretty good book if you want to know how a group of unsupervised boys would turn out on a deserted island. It’s a classic tale, and probably pretty accurate.

Lord of the Flies

At the dawn of the next world war, a plane crashes on an uncharted island, stranding a group of schoolboys. At first, with no adult supervision, their freedom is something to celebrate. This far from civilization they can do anything they want. Anything. But as order collapses, as strange howls echo in the night, as terror begins its reign, the hope of adventure seems as far removed from reality as the hope of being rescued.


What books are you currently reading? Have you read Ender’s Game or Lord of the Flies? What’s your favorite book? Did you witness bullying in your school? How do you cope with office politics? Have you ever been around someone who constantly spues negativity? Do you know someone who bad mouths everyone who gets in their way? Let’s start a conversation, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

A year I would relive.

Life is like reading a book. Some books you wish would never end, and others are just a checkmark on your Goodreads booklist. Some you can’t even bear to finish, though that number is pretty low for me. I like to finish things I start unless it becomes absolutely impossible. I just can’t give an accurate review of my experience until that last word is read. I supposed that also goes for the chapters in my book of life, which probably explains why I haven’t jumped off a cliff yet.

When I try to think of a year I would live over, I arrive at a very odd year indeed. I’ve honestly had many good years. They were years of relative peace and tranquility. Nothing catastrophic happened, and my emotions were not constantly stirred. I honestly barely remember those years though, only highlights here and there. They were honestly very boring years. Oddly, the year I would relive was actually a year when my life was in utter chaos.

Back in 2018, I had a job that barely paid the bills, even though the whole place seemed to be running on applications I wrote or maintained. It’s amazing what pride does to the people in charge. They think they are the ones making the organization better, while someone else does all the real work. I’m glad I had that experience though, so I don’t get a big head from being the boss. I know who’s really keeping the lights on.

That year I had also faced some hard decisions. I had a lot of student loan debt that needed to be repaid, about three years of undergraduate and I was about to finish my masters. I knew I would need to start making payments on the loan after that last class was finished. It wasn’t as huge as you might expect though. I worked fulltime and paid for my own living expenses and textbooks (which are ridiculously overpriced I might add) out of pocket.

The problem was, even though the organization insisted on me having a degree, they wouldn’t pay for the tuition or expenses. What was worse, is they were not going to give me an adequate raise to compensate for all the expenses I would later have to pay back.

This set me up with a major life problem, one that many people in this country face. I was not going to be able to pay all my bills with the added expense of student loan payments. To rectify this problem, I was going to have to sell the home I was buying and toss all the equity on student loans to keep from drowning. That move left me living in a camper trailer.

In the later part of 2018, while sitting alone in this trailer, I met this really amazing person online. We bonded straight away and became the best of friends. For all of 2019, we were in constant communication. We talked, texted, shared life experiences and photos, and read books together. It was a year where my life was at its lowest, but God had somehow granted me this very special person to keep me alive. I now refer to 2019 as her year.

It doesn’t make you very happy to learn that the people you work for are fine with ducking you under water to make themselves look good. I think the writing was on the wall that I was going to leave at that point. Fortunately, due to my hard work studying, I would be able to reenter the job market with two bachelor’s degrees (double major), and I was very close to finishing my master’s, with honors of course.

I stumbled upon a job posting at another place and applied. I think they were impressed with all the things I had under me at the other job and was keeping it all running smoothly. The necessary degrees were also on my resume. They made me an offer straightaway, at about twice my current salary. It was certainly an offer I couldn’t refuse, but I did give my current employer a chance to match it. Of course, they were too stupid (or egotistical?) to do so.

Things took off financially, with zero debt, double the income, and living in a luxury apartment downtown (and not a trailer), but something very important is missing now. I don’t hear from her every day anymore. We also haven’t read any books together lately. She checks in from time to time, but it’s not the same as before. I miss her every day, and often pray for her. It’s odd that the year I wish I could relive is a year when my life was at its lowest point, all because of one person. Thank you, friend, for seeing me through the hardest year of my life. I owe you everything.


Have you ever felt suffocated by debt? Have you ever made hard financial decisions? Have you ever worked at a job that didn’t appreciate you? Did you have student loans? Do you believe in fate? Has there been a time you couldn’t survive without a very special person? Why are even the hard times better when the right person is there? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

You killed my future self.

People really don’t live in the present. They are either dwelling on the past that they can never relive, or they are daydreaming about a future version of themselves. It’s funny when you first realize this.

There’s actually a whole meditative system based on focusing your attention on what you are actually doing at this moment. It’s called Mindfulness. It’s kind of odd that we have completely left out the now and need to meditate to find it. It seems like it would be right there in the forefront, but the truth is most people never really live. The now is spent reminiscing about stories from the past or planning a future that may never come.

I have mostly been a future oriented person. I tend to recognize that the past is dead, and I can’t go back there. I do greatly regret some of the people I have had to leave in the past. I wish they had made it to be with me in the now, but it’s clear to me they are not present. What I really want most is to somehow weave them back into my future, hence there is still a future orientation in all of my thinking.

That being said, what I really want is to be happy. Unfortunately, I’m rarely happy in the moment, and I think that’s true for a lot of people. Happiness is either something I remember, or something I am hoping to achieve once I acquire all I need and want. I think this is the real reason why people live in the past or future. They are really not satisfied with what they have right now. This misery causes them to look for happiness in a story that lives only in their head. Mindfulness is therefore kind of related to wanting what you have.

It also makes me realize why it’s so painful to lose someone I love very intensely. The future I envision with them is where I am actually living. If they exit my life, that future self has no potential to ever exist. They have literally killed me in the future. That version of myself has to die and be replaced by a totally different version of me, one that I may not want to experience at all. The heartbreak is really a kind of mourning, caused by me having to lay my precious future self to rest before he ever experienced the intense happiness that I know he would have found.

Today, like every day, I have to face some decision made by me or someone else, and then watch a part of myself die if the wrong decisions are made. If only I could stop caring about the future and realize that the pages ahead of me are blank and will be written by a hand other than my own, because the present me is really the only one that dies today.


Are you living in the past, present, or future? Do you practice mindfulness or another form of meditation? Ever long for someone to be in your future? Tell us all about it! Thanks for being in my present, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Humility is a powerful skill to master.

Communication is always named as a great skill to have, but I think there is another awesome skill that sometimes gets overlooked. It’s the humility to enter a situation where you are totally ignorant in order to solve a major problem.

What it’s really all about is bringing everyone together, filling in all the knowledge gaps, and then coming up with the best solution. You might even have to play completely dumb to get all the information that’s needed. This is hard for some people because their ego makes them afraid of looking stupid.

Getting it done is what’s really important. Your ego will heal very quickly once the goal is accomplished, and people look up to someone who takes the initiative. In all honesty, humility is probably of the greatest leadership skill you will ever master.


Have you ever had to drop your ego to get to a solution? Do you think the ego can be a hinderance to communication? What are some other skills you think a leader should master? Let me know in the comments, and please remember to like, share, and subscribe!

The thing that brings tears to my eyes.

One might describe me as a reluctant introvert. Outwardly, I usually seem very quiet, but this appearance belies my true nature. Over the years, I have learned to spend a lot of time alone, but I am not a true introvert. Under most social conditions, I can’t completely assume the characteristics of an extrovert, but I’m sure it would be very enjoyable if I could.

One of the main reasons I can’t be extroverted in every social situation is because I am unable or unwilling to overcome the extreme extroverts. A person who is overtly extroverted is highly competitive about getting and sustaining everyone’s attention. They won’t let anyone outdo them for long. It makes them uneasy. They might start looking for a different group if everyone tunes them out, one that listens to them and strokes their ego.

Have you ever been to a gathering and some guy says, why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue? Don’t trust the quiet ones! If you have, you’ve met one of these competitive extroverts. They have to make the potential competition look weird or unworthy of hearing so they can keep the floor the whole time. They mostly do it subconsciously of course. They just can’t allow anyone to be heard above them. They’ve got to be the life of the party. Some people love this type of person, but many others, including myself, find them annoying and arrogant. Let someone else talk for a change!

I’m not pushy with my extroversion, but I know it’s still there. I want to be a person that people listen to sometimes, but I’ll take turns listening, and I mean really listening, not just thinking of my next funny reply. That’s another characteristic of the competitive extrovert. They never really hear anything you say because they only care about what they have to say. Their own ideas trump everyone else in the room.

I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I experienced the need to be around people at an early age. One time when I was very young, several of my cousins came over to my house to play. We spent many hours playing, as kids often do. I don’t remember exactly what we did, probably involved lots of running around, or maybe playing a game, or we could have just played with cars or action figures under the big shade trees. The thing I do remember is when they all went home that evening. I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks. The emotional pain was overwhelming! I had found the thing that brings tears to my eyes, it’s simply the act of saying goodbye.

If I’m not an extrovert, and I’m not an introvert, then what am I? I believe the best way to describe my personality type would be to say that I’m an omnivert. I can sit quietly for long hours in contemplation and also do things that require incredible levels of concentration, like writing and programming computers for instance, but if I’m around people I like, I will become something totally different indeed.

I remember there was a girl I used to know, and once she started hanging out with me, she said something kind of funny. She said, wow, you’re a talker! She was very surprised to learn that I could keep a conversation going for as long as she wanted, maybe even longer. I think my extroverted side comes as quite a shock to someone after I know them enough to let it loose.

You may recall from another post, that I have difficulty concentrating around certain kinds of noise, so much so that I often opt for hearing protectors to block out sounds. It so happens that the main sounds that distract me are human voices. My extroverted side wants to know what they are talking about and join into the conversation. This is yet another example of my affinity toward the people I find interesting.

More info about omniverts can be found here: What Is an Omnivert? – Meaning And Traits.


Possible discussion ideas.

  1. How would you describe yourself (extrovert, introvert, ambivert, omnivert)?
  2. Do you know any competitive extroverts?
  3. Do you get annoyed when someone hogs all the attention?
  4. Ever feel really sad when company goes home?
  5. Do you know someone who never listens?
  6. Know any talkers who are quite most of the time?

A word that too many people use.

On a few occasions, I have considered writing about a word that too many people use. The word that comes to mind is the word stupid. Growing up, I heard this word all the time. I believe everyone has used the word before. Some people use it all day long. Sometimes people ignore it, sometimes people get mad, sometimes they admit it, and sometimes they call themselves stupid, but it is a word that I believe no one should use at all. This also applies to other words with a similar meaning that are equally misused, like dumb, ignorant, retarded, idiotic, foolish, moron, imbecile, etc.

The reason why I think no one should use it is because the definition people have of it has nothing to do with what the word really means. If you look these words up in the dictionary they will likely lead you to believe that they are referring to a slow person, or someone of low intelligence. That has nothing to do with it. People with high or normal IQ probably get called stupid as much as people with a low IQ. In fact, people would feel guilty about calling someone dumb if they actually did have a learning disability.

So what does the word stupid really mean? Stupid is a word that is used to manipulate or bully people into conformity. If you disagree with something that someone did, or you don’t like the way they are living, you call them names. The idea is that they will change their behavior of you call them stupid. Very often though, people don’t call you stupid to your face because they don’t want you to realize they are your enemy. They say it to other people with the hopes of destroying you reputation to the point that no one will believe anything you say, or maybe even shun your company. It’s the same objective that all bullies have, without the violence.

I know everyone is unique and they have views that I may not agree with, but it’s not my job, or even my right, to tell them how to live. It’s also not right for me to say words that might destroy them just to build the kind of society that I feel comfortable living in. It took me many years to fully understand this truth. They were give something very special by their creator. They were given their own life to live and a mind to direct them. Likewise, I was given mine, and I would appreciate the same courtesy.

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. Did you ever consider the real meaning of these words?
  2. How does it make you feel being called names?
  3. Were you ever bullied through the use of words?
  4. Ever have people slander you behind your back?
  5. Is it hard to resist the urge to call someone stupid?
  6. Do you believe people should be allowed to be themselves?
  7. Do you think everyone should conform?
  8. What words that denote promiscuity, are they spoken

Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

What brings me peace.

What brings me peace? I’ve mentioned this in a couple of other posts (My Favorite State of Mind, It Happens Every Night), but what brings me the most peace is the time right before I drift off to sleep. It is a point where I have let go of everything that happened that day, everything that ever happened actually. It’s a time when I know I won’t have to think about anything for the next six to eight hours.

This brings me to the question of what exactly is peace? I suppose like all words and phrases, it can mean something slightly different for everyone. The coolest thing about us is that we each have a very unique perspective and experience the world in different ways.

One might define peace as the state of not being at war, but what is war? In general, war is man’s competitive nature taken to an extreme. He either wants to claim property that will aid his own survival using destructive means, or he is afraid that his property is in danger of being taken and he resists with violence. Sometimes, the property is merely the ego of the leader. He is locked into the material possessions of this world to the point that he will murder those who threaten it.

It has been said by others that we are all really at war. The scarcity of things in the material world puts us at risk of not having enough. We must therefore do what we can to gain enough for our own survival and prosperity. We usually don’t physically fight for things, but every bargain and transaction we make in life is mini battle and there are winners and losers.

If I sell you something, I want you to pay me the most for it, and you want to pay me the least for it. If I get more, my chances of survival increase. If you pay less, your chances of survival increase. We are also aware that if we push it too far, we will cause hurt feelings or anger. We must battle each other and our own feelings to come up with an acceptable bargain, and some are just better at it than others. There are winners and losers every day in the game of life.

Aside from property, there are other things we fight to gain or keep. It might be our reputation. If someone insults it and others believe them, we might not be liked anymore. This will also lower our chances of prosperity. Every day we enter a battlefield to protect our dignity and what we believe. The competition can exhaust us, even when we win, and sometimes it’s a short victory, because we know the envious will return tomorrow to fight again.

You eventually find yourself at a point where you just want to exit the arena, but there are few exits for the gladiators of life. This is the definition of peace for me. It’s reaching the state where you just let go of it all. You don’t care if you win or lose. You realize that in the end your enemies will gain nothing anyway. As in that old movie War Games, the only winning move is not to play.

A strange game, the only winning move is not to play.

Joshua – War Games (1983)

Now I just let myself drift back into slumber, and watch the material reality dissolve into oblivion, and slowly find my way home, to the kingdom of peaceful sleep.

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. What brings you peace?
  2. Do you think life is full of competition?
  3. Do you ever get tired of fighting?
  4. Anyone ever tried to tear down your reputation?
  5. What would the world be like if we didn’t fight each other?
  6. Do you think letting go is the first step to peace?

I hope we all win! Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments! Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe! Oh, and sweet dreams tonight!

How to waste your time.

Time is the most precious commodity and should never be wasted, but I do think most people waste a lot of time, or at least they think they do. It really comes down to the question, what is time wasted? It’s really a personal preference as to what constitutes time well spent or time wasted.

The enjoyable moments of the day are the only ones that are not wasted.

For me, the enjoyable moments of the day are the only ones that are not wasted. You have to do a lot of things that are unenjoyable, but those things are just a means to an end. You do them because they are necessary, but they are not really where you want to spend your time. Those are the moments I wish I could reclaim.

There’s also a lot of time wasted on life maintenance. I know I have to go to work, but I don’t see it as time well spent. It just pays the bills. Likewise, taking out the trash and mowing the lawn were all hours lost as far as I’m concerned, but if I hadn’t done them, the yard would have been overgrown and every room of the house would have been brimming with smelly garbage. Basically, the material world is high maintenance and will waste a lot of your time, but there’s nothing you can do about it.

Some days, I will have to interact with a person that I really don’t care to be around.

One other thing entered my mind that I honestly think is probably the biggest waste of time. Some days, I will have to interact with a person that I really don’t care to be around. I hate to say such a thing, but really, it’s true. Usually, it’s someone who is totally arrogant and self-important. I also don’t care for people who play favorites or show extreme bias. They will just drain me completely. If I have to spend too many hours with these people, I will feel completely exhausted by the end of the day, and probably have a migraine.

To be honest, I also occasionally get the feeling that certain individuals would prefer to not be around me. I hope it’s for different reasons though. There’s really a lot of reasons people don’t like each other. Sometimes it’s because they don’t like how you look, or maybe your personality doesn’t entertain their ego. I have also spent a lot of time and energy trying to correct these relationships, which is just another waste of time. I have found that only certain people will like you, and it’s usually not your fault, nor is there an easy way to change it. Birds of a feather flock together.

Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is that the time least wasted is the time you spend with your special people, doing the things that you enjoy doing the most. All the other hours are used to help you get to those moments and sustain them as long as possible.

Thanks for giving me a few moments of your precious time! I sincerely hope it was enjoyable, and therefore not a waste of your time. If so, then it wasn’t a waste of my time to write it.


Do you know anyone who really drains you? What makes you really want to be around someone? Do you think attraction plays a part? Is arrogance a turn off? Do certain people make you really happy when they are around? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like and subscribe!

What brings joy to life?

Joy is not something I have in great abundance, so I have put considerable thought into what brings joy to life. I’m not a materialistic person, so purchasing things or owning things doesn’t bring me much happiness. I’m also a fairly humble person, so I don’t need my ego stroked that much. I used to do things like draw pictures, program computers, read books, watch movies, go on hikes, take vacations, surf the internet, play games, take classes, argue my opinion, make wishes, plan my future, and have hope. Those were many of the things that made me happy and brought joy to my life, but they really don’t add that much joy anymore.

Something happened a few years ago, and I never really got over it. It sort of woke me up, and I began to see there was something I was missing. I felt trapped, and still feel trapped, by a life that has became stuck in a rut. It is like a feeling of slow suffocation, like I am not able to get enough oxygen to take a full breath. It is like a prison from which I can’t seem to escape. I sometimes regret that I only have one life to live. If I had another life, I could just leave this version of me right here to take care of everything and carry out this endless voyage, and then I could jump ship and board the passing yacht filled with shining happy faces.

The greatest blessing in life is not what you have, or where you’ve been, or where you’re going, or even who you are. It’s actually who you’re with!

In the end, after a process of elimination, I finally narrowed down the things that brought me joy one by one and crossed them off my list. Nope, not that one, check. That one’s a wash, no joy there anymore. As the list began to shrink, I eventually realized that all my joy was really tied to like one thing. It was the fundamental ingredient to happiness. Everything else didn’t seem to glow as brightly when this one thing was missing. At the end of this discovery, I began to realize that the greatest blessing in life is not what you have, or where you’ve been, or where you’re going, or even who you are. It’s actually who you’re with! Your job in life is to find those special people who bring joy to your life and try to keep them close for as long as possible.


Do you have any special people who bring joy to your life? Tell me in the comments, and don’t forget to like and subscribe!