Tag: chaos

Life is like reading a book. Some books you wish would never end, and others are just a checkmark on your Goodreads booklist. Some you can’t even bear to finish, though that number is pretty low for me. I like to finish things I start unless it becomes absolutely impossible. I just can’t give an accurate review of my experience until that last word is read. I supposed that also goes for the chapters in my book of life, which probably explains why I haven’t jumped off a cliff yet.

When I try to think of a year I would live over, I arrive at a very odd year indeed. I’ve honestly had many good years. They were years of relative peace and tranquility. Nothing catastrophic happened, and my emotions were not constantly stirred. I honestly barely remember those years though, only highlights here and there. They were honestly very boring years. Oddly, the year I would relive was actually a year when my life was in utter chaos.

Back in 2018, I had a job that barely paid the bills, even though the whole place seemed to be running on applications I wrote or maintained. It’s amazing what pride does to the people in charge. They think they are the ones making the organization better, while someone else does all the real work. I’m glad I had that experience though, so I don’t get a big head from being the boss. I know who’s really keeping the lights on.

That year I had also faced some hard decisions. I had a lot of student loan debt that needed to be repaid, about three years of undergraduate and I was about to finish my masters. I knew I would need to start making payments on the loan after that last class was finished. It wasn’t as huge as you might expect though. I worked fulltime and paid for my own living expenses and textbooks (which are ridiculously overpriced I might add) out of pocket.

The problem was, even though the organization insisted on me having a degree, they wouldn’t pay for the tuition or expenses. What was worse, is they were not going to give me an adequate raise to compensate for all the expenses I would later have to pay back.

This set me up with a major life problem, one that many people in this country face. I was not going to be able to pay all my bills with the added expense of student loan payments. To rectify this problem, I was going to have to sell the home I was buying and toss all the equity on student loans to keep from drowning. That move left me living in a camper trailer.

In the later part of 2018, while sitting alone in this trailer, I met this really amazing person online. We bonded straight away and became the best of friends. For all of 2019, we were in constant communication. We talked, texted, shared life experiences and photos, and read books together. It was a year where my life was at its lowest, but God had somehow granted me this very special person to keep me alive. I now refer to 2019 as her year.

It doesn’t make you very happy to learn that the people you work for are fine with ducking you under water to make themselves look good. I think the writing was on the wall that I was going to leave at that point. Fortunately, due to my hard work studying, I would be able to reenter the job market with two bachelor’s degrees (double major), and I was very close to finishing my master’s, with honors of course.

I stumbled upon a job posting at another place and applied. I think they were impressed with all the things I had under me at the other job and was keeping it all running smoothly. The necessary degrees were also on my resume. They made me an offer straightaway, at about twice my current salary. It was certainly an offer I couldn’t refuse, but I did give my current employer a chance to match it. Of course, they were too stupid (or egotistical?) to do so.

Things took off financially, with zero debt, double the income, and living in a luxury apartment downtown (and not a trailer), but something very important is missing now. I don’t hear from her every day anymore. We also haven’t read any books together lately. She checks in from time to time, but it’s not the same as before. I miss her every day, and often pray for her. It’s odd that the year I wish I could relive is a year when my life was at its lowest point, all because of one person. Thank you, friend, for seeing me through the hardest year of my life. I owe you everything.

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Have you ever felt suffocated by debt? Have you ever made hard financial decisions? Have you ever worked at a job that didn’t appreciate you? Did you have student loans? Do you believe in fate? Has there been a time you couldn’t survive without a very special person? Why are even the hard times better when the right person is there? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!