Tag: early age

He changes the world around me.

One of my blogger friends, Katherine, sometimes makes posts on her site that she calls Godly Talks. I am often inspired by reading her words because her faith is so deeply woven into her life. I love how she can find a spiritual lesson in everyday things. It has a way of bringing meaning to everything that happens. If you get a chance, check out Katherine’s Blog, and I’m sure you will find it very pleasing. Inspired by her faith, I decided to write this post about my own spiritual journey. Maybe we will find some similarities.

From a very young age, I had this feeling that I wasn’t like other children. I seemed to see the world very differently from them. I also struggled with ideas that other children didn’t seem to think about that much, or at least they didn’t indicate it outwardly. Even adults didn’t seem to think much about the subjects that flowed through my mind. I think the best way to describe what I’m talking about is to say it is like a kind of awareness.

Let me just start with the first awareness and work my way out from there. At a very young age, I seemed to know that God was real. I had no doubt in my mind. It was like it was hardwired into my brain for some reason. It seemed like other people had to accept this on faith alone. I seemed to just know he was there.

The next awareness was similar to the first one. I understood that human beings were animals, but even at a young age, I knew I was not an animal. I was seeing the world through human eyes, feeling everything flesh, but not really being flesh. This led me to another awareness. If I am not part of the animal kingdom, then I must be from some other kingdom, perhaps a spiritual or heavenly kingdom. I think this was why religion called to me so much at an early age. The scriptures seemed to me like a guidebook for this inner being.

Another awareness I had, was this feeling that I had an actual purpose. I had no idea why I was here, but I knew it was not by accident. It felt like I was sent here to live out a particular life and do something that God specifically wanted me to do. Feeling like you have a purpose can be very awesome, but also very weighty at times.

For instance, when I did something that I thought might displease God, I would literally go find some place and break down into heavy tears. This wasn’t the skinned my knee tears either. The sorrow was so intense that it is difficult for me to even put into words. I did finally realize that I don’t have to be perfect, and learned how to forgive myself, but it’s taken a lifetime to get there.

One other awareness I had was that God actually listens to prayers. When I was around three or four years old, my grandmother taught me a little prayer. It is the earliest one I remember, and I’m sure you heard it before. I want to record it here in memory of my grandmother teaching it to me, and because it is a very deep part of my spiritual memories. I have continued to pray almost every night since my grandmother first taught me how.

Now they lay me down to sleep,
I pray the lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the lord my soul to take.

My deepest prayers are not recited at all though. I talk to God the same way I would talk to a person, sometimes for hours on end, especially when there is a lot on my mind. Very often, he is the only one who can possibly understand me and know what I am going through. This is because he is with you from beginning to end and will also see you on the other side. Though I have prayed for a lifetime, I have never heard him speak to me directly in human language, but I am still aware that he is listening to me, and sometimes, believe it or not, he changes the world around me.

Have you ever felt an awareness you can’t explain? Did you ever feel like you were different? Do you believe our lives have a purpose? Do you believe in things you cannot prove? Do you believe God hears prayers? Let me know in the comments, and please remember to like, share, and subscribe!

The thing that brings tears to my eyes.

One might describe me as a reluctant introvert. Outwardly, I usually seem very quiet, but this appearance belies my true nature. Over the years, I have learned to spend a lot of time alone, but I am not a true introvert. Under most social conditions, I can’t completely assume the characteristics of an extrovert, but I’m sure it would be very enjoyable if I could.

One of the main reasons I can’t be extroverted in every social situation is because I am unable or unwilling to overcome the extreme extroverts. A person who is overtly extroverted is highly competitive about getting and sustaining everyone’s attention. They won’t let anyone outdo them for long. It makes them uneasy. They might start looking for a different group if everyone tunes them out, one that listens to them and strokes their ego.

Have you ever been to a gathering and some guy says, why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue? Don’t trust the quiet ones! If you have, you’ve met one of these competitive extroverts. They have to make the potential competition look weird or unworthy of hearing so they can keep the floor the whole time. They mostly do it subconsciously of course. They just can’t allow anyone to be heard above them. They’ve got to be the life of the party. Some people love this type of person, but many others, including myself, find them annoying and arrogant. Let someone else talk for a change!

I’m not pushy with my extroversion, but I know it’s still there. I want to be a person that people listen to sometimes, but I’ll take turns listening, and I mean really listening, not just thinking of my next funny reply. That’s another characteristic of the competitive extrovert. They never really hear anything you say because they only care about what they have to say. Their own ideas trump everyone else in the room.

I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I experienced the need to be around people at an early age. One time when I was very young, several of my cousins came over to my house to play. We spent many hours playing, as kids often do. I don’t remember exactly what we did, probably involved lots of running around, or maybe playing a game, or we could have just played with cars or action figures under the big shade trees. The thing I do remember is when they all went home that evening. I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks. The emotional pain was overwhelming! I had found the thing that brings tears to my eyes, it’s simply the act of saying goodbye.

If I’m not an extrovert, and I’m not an introvert, then what am I? I believe the best way to describe my personality type would be to say that I’m an omnivert. I can sit quietly for long hours in contemplation and also do things that require incredible levels of concentration, like writing and programming computers for instance, but if I’m around people I like, I will become something totally different indeed.

I remember there was a girl I used to know, and once she started hanging out with me, she said something kind of funny. She said, wow, you’re a talker! She was very surprised to learn that I could keep a conversation going for as long as she wanted, maybe even longer. I think my extroverted side comes as quite a shock to someone after I know them enough to let it loose.

You may recall from another post, that I have difficulty concentrating around certain kinds of noise, so much so that I often opt for hearing protectors to block out sounds. It so happens that the main sounds that distract me are human voices. My extroverted side wants to know what they are talking about and join into the conversation. This is yet another example of my affinity toward the people I find interesting.

More info about omniverts can be found here: What Is an Omnivert? – Meaning And Traits.

Possible discussion ideas.

  1. How would you describe yourself (extrovert, introvert, ambivert, omnivert)?
  2. Do you know any competitive extroverts?
  3. Do you get annoyed when someone hogs all the attention?
  4. Ever feel really sad when company goes home?
  5. Do you know someone who never listens?
  6. Know any talkers who are quite most of the time?