recharge – Ken's Life

One might describe me as a reluctant introvert. Outwardly, I usually seem very quiet, but this appearance belies my true nature. Over the years, I have learned to spend a lot of time alone, but I am not a true introvert. Under most social conditions, I can’t completely assume the characteristics of an extrovert, but I’m sure it would be very enjoyable if I could.

One of the main reasons I can’t be extroverted in every social situation is because I am unable or unwilling to overcome the extreme extroverts. A person who is overtly extroverted is highly competitive about getting and sustaining everyone’s attention. They won’t let anyone outdo them for long. It makes them uneasy. They might start looking for a different group if everyone tunes them out, one that listens to them and strokes their ego.

Have you ever been to a gathering and some guy says, why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue? Don’t trust the quiet ones! If you have, you’ve met one of these competitive extroverts. They have to make the potential competition look weird or unworthy of hearing so they can keep the floor the whole time. They mostly do it subconsciously of course. They just can’t allow anyone to be heard above them. They’ve got to be the life of the party. Some people love this type of person, but many others, including myself, find them annoying and arrogant. Let someone else talk for a change!

I’m not pushy with my extroversion, but I know it’s still there. I want to be a person that people listen to sometimes, but I’ll take turns listening, and I mean really listening, not just thinking of my next funny reply. That’s another characteristic of the competitive extrovert. They never really hear anything you say because they only care about what they have to say. Their own ideas trump everyone else in the room.

I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I experienced the need to be around people at an early age. One time when I was very young, several of my cousins came over to my house to play. We spent many hours playing, as kids often do. I don’t remember exactly what we did, probably involved lots of running around, or maybe playing a game, or we could have just played with cars or action figures under the big shade trees. The thing I do remember is when they all went home that evening. I was then left all alone. I didn’t want to be alone again! I remember just sitting there by the porch, trying to play by myself, with tears rolling down my cheeks. The emotional pain was overwhelming! I had found the thing that brings tears to my eyes, it’s simply the act of saying goodbye.

If I’m not an extrovert, and I’m not an introvert, then what am I? I believe the best way to describe my personality type would be to say that I’m an omnivert. I can sit quietly for long hours in contemplation and also do things that require incredible levels of concentration, like writing and programming computers for instance, but if I’m around people I like, I will become something totally different indeed.

I remember there was a girl I used to know, and once she started hanging out with me, she said something kind of funny. She said, wow, you’re a talker! She was very surprised to learn that I could keep a conversation going for as long as she wanted, maybe even longer. I think my extroverted side comes as quite a shock to someone after I know them enough to let it loose.

You may recall from another post, that I have difficulty concentrating around certain kinds of noise, so much so that I often opt for hearing protectors to block out sounds. It so happens that the main sounds that distract me are human voices. My extroverted side wants to know what they are talking about and join into the conversation. This is yet another example of my affinity toward the people I find interesting.

More info about omniverts can be found here: What Is an Omnivert? – Meaning And Traits.

Possible discussion ideas.

How would you describe yourself (extrovert, introvert, ambivert, omnivert)?
Do you know any competitive extroverts?
Do you get annoyed when someone hogs all the attention?
Ever feel really sad when company goes home?
Do you know someone who never listens?
Know any talkers who are quite most of the time?

Unplugging means something different to everyone. For some, myself included, it means getting away from the stress induced by your work, but for a lot of people unplugging means getting away from the constant dings on their phone from social media and other notifications. Basically, I think unplugging means getting away from the things that drain you, and maybe focus on the things that help you relax and recharge.

I try to disconnect from work.

In general, I try to disconnect from work as quickly as possible right after the day has ended, usually around 5 o’clock. I might get a call from someone after that, but it would only be if there was a major issue and I needed to be involved. A more difficult thing to get away from is the email and instant messaging, as that can continue after hours. Unfortunately, management is mostly about responsibility, so I really can’t disconnect from this totally. If something happens, I have to be available.

The worst problem I have comes from worrying about things at work. I tend to carry that with me after work. If something is stressing me, or if I am upset by office politics, it will be hard to get that out of my head. I know for sure that this is the kind of stress that can cause the most damage to my health, and since I’m a natural worrier, this is hard to combat, but I’m getting better at putting it out of mind.

I have my phone on silent.

I have my cell phone on silent practically all of the time. Yes, it is on silent right now. I know it’s annoying for people who try to call me when they get a voicemail, but the piece of mind I receive is worth it. If it’s really important they will leave a voicemail, and that will register a badge on my phone. I do allow calls to vibrate, so I can feel it if my phone is on me. I can also see it visually if I happen to be looking at my phone.

This was a practice that really started because of all the meetings I would be in at work. I would turn it on silent during the meetings. There was enough of them that I eventually became tired of turning silent mode on and off and I figured I’d eventually wear out the switch. Your phone going off at the office is also annoying to other people, in case you didn’t already know this, just saying.

I silence unknown callers.

I silence unknown callers on my cell phone. There is a feature on my phone that will silence unknown callers. If I turn this on, I will only receive calls from people who are in my contact list. I don’t have this on right now, but I have used it in the past. I turned it off because I would sometimes get important work related calls from unpredictable numbers.

My cell phone has also gotten much better at detecting spam calls. I used to get a lot of these spam calls, and they are totally annoying. I would never want to be in the cold-calling business. I bet quite a few people are bothered by these types of calls and are probably not too cheery when they end up answering.

I edit my phone notifications.

I edit the notifications on my phone. Most of the apps on my phone can’t actually show a notification at all. That means, no vibration, no sound, not even a pop up on the home screen. The apps that don’t bug me too much can show me badges. I can visually see there is something there waiting for me, but only when I look at my phone and I am ready to deal with it.

I am actually very disturbed when my phone constantly makes noises when I am trying to concentrate. I don’t even like to be around other people’s phones when they are constantly dinging. I’ve been around people who seem to get a beep about every three minutes. This would drive me up the wall.

I uninstall draining apps.

If an app on my phone is taking up a lot of my attention, I will eventually evaluate it’s worth to me. Time is all you have in life and you don’t want to waste it. If the app isn’t providing a good return for the amount of time I spend on it, I just uninstall it. Uninstalling the apps you don’t need also has a lot of other advantages.

Your phone will stay charged for longer, as some apps consume a lot of battery.
Your phone may be more responsive, especially if you don’t close out apps.
You will improve security, because every app is a potential attack vector.
You will have more storage space for the things that really matter.
Your remaining apps will be easier to find, because there is fewer apps overall.
You will waste less time organizing your apps.
Your home screen will look a lot cleaner.

I reduce the noise around me.

I am a very aural person. If there is any distracting sound in earshot, I simply cannot focus. With enough noise, my mind will become completely incapacitated. The saying that I can’t hear myself think because of all the noise really resonates with me. My ideas are literally too quite to be heard over all the noise, and this usually causes me to seek out a quiet place where I won’t be disturbed. Wonder why I don’t go to many concerts?

Sometimes, when I have to work on something that requires a lot of concentration, I actually put on sound blocking earmuffs. I feel like my IQ increases by 20% just wearing them, because my mind isn’t tracking every sound in the room. It literally does this. I’m not kidding. I am practically Daredevil, except I am not blind. I will register every conversation going on around me too. It’s utterly annoying.

I really recommend earmuffs if you have never tried them. I wouldn’t have made it through college without them. My memory and concentration rise immensely when all sound is blocked out. Distractions are a huge waste of your mental energy. Below are the ones I use. I’m wearing them right now, believe it or not.

Protecting yourself from noise can greatly improve your concentration. I wear these when I want to block everything out.

3M Over-the-Head Noise Reduction Ear Muffs

I chill at a local bar.

I live in a nice city with a lot of decent pubs within walking distance. I stroll down to one pretty often. I can sit there and relax and just chill, converse with another local bar patron, or strike up a conversation with a complete stranger at the bar top. I’ve met so many interesting people that way. Everyone has a story to tell, and I’m all ears 🙂

Let me know what you think about this, and don’t forget to like and subscribe.