Tag: girl

The one who breaks the spell.

This post is kind of a spin off from the last post where I talked about a girl I went to a festival with years ago. After writing that one, it occurred to me why I loved that girl so much.

For most of my life, I doubted my own value. I never saw myself as someone that a girl like her would want to be around. I never considered myself to be a prize of any sort. That day at the festival, for a short period of time, I actually felt normal, just like everyone else. I felt whole and complete, as I mentioned in the post. This was someone who saw a side of me that I had never observed. It caused me to wake up and see myself for the very first time. Her honesty actually healed part of me.

In the post, I also alluded to the negative consequences of pride, but it does have one positive thing about it. If you really feel like you have no value, pride can lift you out of the hole until you feel equal to everyone else. Though pride is out of hand in our world, it serves a purpose in that it makes us feel worthy of being treated better. Perhaps that’s why pride is through the roof in our society. No one feels truly valued anymore. They are overcompensating.

Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is that the one who completes you is actually the one who breaks the spell and convinces you to love yourself. Keep those people in your life when you find them. They are the only ones who can awaken the person inside you that is dying to come out. They will lead you toward living up to your full potential, which is the person they saw inside you all along. Cherish those people.

** Nice! The use of scrabble words in the image on this post about breaking a spell was completely unexpected, lol! ❤ **

Have you ever doubted your own worth? How does it feel when someone sees more in you than you see in yourself? Does pride have good and bad qualities? Can honesty heal someone? Why do people hide their feelings about you? Does our society make everyone feel valued? Do you truly love yourself? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Through the eyes of pride.

This blog is turning into a kind of memoir. I sort of use it to record all the learning experiences I’ve had over the course of my life. I find that certain instances stick in my head. Something unexpected will happen, or someone will say something that captures an idea I hadn’t really thought about, and all of a sudden, that moment becomes embedded in my mind, slightly changing my perspective and decision making. I kind of love these memorable moments. I’m not sure reading them produces the same effect as living them, but maybe they are at least very interesting.

One ponderable moment occurred with a girl I was once seeing years ago, but I still sometimes think about it today. We had recently went to a festival together, and we both had a great time there, as I recall. She was actually a very fun person to be around. We did all the little things at the festival, like listening to the band, eating at one of the stands, walking around and seeing the booths, saying hello to friends who were there, etc. It was all quite wonderful and made me happy to be alive.

It was so fun being at the festival with you today. I think we make a really cute couple.

Though the festival was memorable in itself, the ponderable moment didn’t happen when we were at the festival. It happened a little later. I remember I was standing there behind her, and we were looking in the mirror at each other, and while we were just standing there, looking into each other’s eyes, and thinking about the events of the evening, she said something that really made me think. She said, it was so fun being at the festival with you today. I think we make a really cute couple.

The words struck a note with me for some reason. I hadn’t quite seen the whole event from outside myself. It didn’t really occur to me that others were observing us as we were walking around. We probably looked like two happy people having fun and enjoying the festival. Her choice of words also brought the focus on appearances. She was saying, we look good together, and people are thinking we are a good match for each other. It was at that point that I realized there was some kind of power in our appearance together.

When she said this, it also made me realize that she was already very aware of how we looked together. She had been thinking about this the whole time. It probably added to the whole experience and made her beam with happiness. We were being looked upon favorably and we completely blended in with the other festival goers. It made me realize how very pleasing it is to be attractive and socially accepted. Unfortunately, I also knew exactly what I was looking at, and I didn’t think it was exactly good. I knew I was staring directly into the eyes of my own pride.

During some of my business studies, I remember reading that advertisements very often focus on showing beautiful people in a really amazing scene, one where everyone is enjoying themselves and happy, and then insert whatever product they are selling into the scene. It is a method that works pretty well for selling products, because what many people actually want to buy is the lifestyle they see depicted. This is a pretty old secret, as evidenced from the advertisement I found below. We probably could have sold a lot of Royal Crown Cola that day at the festival.

Old advertisement for Royal Crown Cola showing a happy couple.

Years before all this happened, I remember having another experience that directly contrasted with this one. At that time, I was friends with this really cute blonde girl. I got to know her because I spent a lot of time with her older sister. One day, after I had parted ways with her sister, I was out with another girl, and the blonde girl happened to see us together. Upon seeing me with this other girl, which was not her sister, she gave me a really shocked look. She said no words, but her facial reaction was broadcasting a strong message to me. It was saying, I can’t believe you are with someone like this!

This interaction made me feel very uncomfortable, because the girl I was with was a very sweet person. She deserved to be treated very well. I knew the blonde girl was only thinking about appearances. She was seeing the world through the eyes of pride. At that moment, her look made me feel positively awful, because I believe everyone deserves to be treated the same, regardless of how it looks, regardless of how they look. Unfortunately, this will never be how the world sees it though. They want that perfect scene with two wonderfully matched beautiful people enjoying life together.

We all want to be that happy couple walking along at the festival, smiling at friends and showing off our new clothes. Unfortunately, there’s a price. Someone is being left out. Someone is being avoided. Someone is on the sideline looking in, while we are living our best life right in front of them. I can’t deny that it feels good to be living the dream, but I’m also sad that not everyone is experiencing it with me.

Once my eyes were opened to all of this, I really began to dislike myself for being prideful. It was a moment of cognitive dissonance. Judging people based on appearances went against all my principles, but I couldn’t deny that I loved the way we looked that day. It made me feel very whole and complete. I realized at that moment that it wasn’t just about how sweet the girl was, or about whether she was a good person, it was instead about how I felt around her, and how we looked together. I was completely ashamed of myself.

Over the years, I have come to forgive myself, though it hasn’t been easy. I have come to terms with the fact that we live in a highly materialistic world, and beauty is valued everywhere we turn. I also don’t blame anyone for their reactions or judge them for their decisions. I know life is confusing and difficult, and I wish everyone all the best, but I do dream of a better world.

It still troubles me though, because life is not fair, and it really should be. In the end, beauty is a very wonderful thing, perhaps one of the most wonderful things in life, and I’m not going to lie, I seek it out everywhere I can find it, in art, in life, and in people, just like everyone else, but I also recognize that beauty is unevenly distributed, and that is an unbearable cruelty.

Has anyone made you feel amazing when you are with them? Does the way people see you change the experience? Have you ever felt the effects of pride? Have you ever experienced cognitive dissonance? Do you think beauty is unfairly distributed? Are you aware of how advertising works? Would you like a Royal Crown Cola right now? Let me know in the comments, and please remember to like, share, and subscribe! Love you guys!

Positive stranger

Today I am asked to describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to me. I do seem to meet a lot of strangers, and most of them are fairly positive encounters.

For example, earlier this week I stopped off at a bar on my walk home. I stop in at that bar periodically for a beer and to talk to a bartender friend I have there. When he tossed the coaster on the bar, it was fairly close to a brown-haired girl who seemed to have been talking to him for a while.

As I started talking to the bartender, the conversation naturally extended to the stranger. She seemed very positive and friendly to me. I got to know a few things about her. Her name was Kim, and she was only in town for a week on business. She was also a single mom of two kids and lived in Montreal.

The bar there was about to close, but the conversation with her was nice, so I asked her if she wanted to go to another bar. I also asked the bartender if he wanted to go, but he said he wanted to get something to eat, so I suggested a place that serves pizza, and then made him promise to come over after he closed.

As she and I walked over to the bar together, I realized that she just felt very comfortable to be around. We stopped off a couple places on the way because she wanted to take photos, since she had never been to this city before. I took a couple of photos of her on her phone. She seemed very happy.

After a short walk, we got to the other bar and had a couple drinks while my bartender friend finished his pizza. We all then said goodbye and parted ways. I’m sure I will never see her again, which is usually the case with people I meet on business trips or vacation, but she definitely left a positive impression on me. She seemed like my kind of person. I wish I could say that about everyone I know.

Do you meet many strangers? What’s a positive experience you have had with a stranger? Do some people feel like friends upon first meeting? Are there people you wish you had never met? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

The best compliment

Today’s prompt is what was the best compliment I ever received? This took me a minute. It might be that I don’t get that many compliments, or maybe they just don’t register to me as compliments. I also think people are reluctant to give compliments these days, because they are afraid they will be taken the wrong way. I tend to ignore this rule and compliment people anyway, if I feel like they deserve it.

For instance, last night was St. Patrick’s day and I was talking to a beautiful red-haired Irish girl at a bar, which seemed perfectly appropriate for the holiday. The conversation between us was very engaging and I found that she was well read. We talked mostly about dreams and psychology. The bartender, who also knew this girl, saw how deep we were in conversation and came over to join in. He said, what are you guys talking about? I filled him in a bit, and then I said, it’s just that this girl is so incredibly intelligent. We started talking and the conversation just keeps going deeper and deeper. The girl giggled upon hearing this and smiled at me. She really was very smart and engaging. I gave her a couple book suggestions on the way out.

I think one of the nicest compliments I have ever received came from a very dear friend of mine. She said, Ken, you are a very genuine person. She said this as though it was a pleasant revelation to her. I know she’s had trouble trusting some people. It made me really happy hearing this from her. It meant she trusted I was a good person. I never wanted to let her down after that. If she ever reads this, I hope she knows I miss her so much!

What’s the best compliment you ever received? Do you tend to give compliments? Has anyone called you a genuine person? Did you have a great St. Patrick’s day? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe.

The most confident person.

I am asked who is the most confident person I know? Honestly, I think it used to be me. A few years ago, I had a very close friend, and I was trying to tell her that something would work out fine. She then said something that really stuck in my head. She said, “how can you be so incredibly sure all the time?” I hadn’t thought about it that much until she said it, but just hearing the words triggered a deep introspection. Why did I have so much confidence?

Another question I had was why didn’t she have any confidence? Why was she almost having a mental breakdown over something that I figured would either pass over or eventually turn out in a good way? I remember asking her about it. She said she used to believe in positive outcomes, but then some really bad things happened to her, and she couldn’t get control over them. From then on, she became very anxious and panicky when faced with a serious life decision.

I could see the stress building up inside her as she became increasingly impatient. It felt like she wanted me to provide her with a very clear solution to her problems, a solution that would lead to immediate remediation. I felt utterly helpless at relieving her anxiety. If she was a child, I would have wrapped my arm around her shoulders, kissed her forehead, and said there-there sweet girl, it will be alright. Honestly, I wish I had done that now, as I soon learned that panic causes her to make rash decisions, which often lead to the bad outcomes she was trying to avoid.

Telling secrets by mistake.

All this made me recall something that happened near the beginning of my friendship with her. She told me she had applied for a job in another department. I also knew one of this girl’s best friends. It was a lady who worked at the same place. In a phone conversation with this lady, I remember asking her who the replacement would be for that role when she left. I figured this best friend also knew about her applying for the job, but she didn’t seem to know anything about it.

This was a total surprise to me because they seemed so close. I always saw them together and I knew they hung out after work. What really surprised me though, was that this girl told me about it. I didn’t realize we were that close at the time. I was positively shocked that she told me and not her own best friend. I would eventually find out she thought way more of me than I realized.

This lady asked her about the job application of course, and the next time I saw the girl she pulled me aside to have a private conversation. She said, I didn’t want anyone to know about that. I then told her that I didn’t know it was a secret, but I knew everyone would want the best for her, especially her best friend. I mean, everyone loved this girl, and I knew they would all be happy for her, but maybe I was a little naive at the time.

I also apologized, which is important when you let someone down, even if you were blind to it all. I really liked this girl and didn’t want something like this to ruin our budding friendship. She said she understood, and it was all fine now. The thing about it though, is she was clearly trying to control all aspects of the life decision. She was scared that if people knew, they might try to influence things so that it didn’t work out for her. I honestly felt like that was a little paranoid, but I couldn’t see the world through her eyes. She had no confidence, and was basically living in constant survival mode, a phrase I heard her use more than once.

So, why was I so confident?

I think one of the reasons I was so confident was my faith in God. I sincerely believed that my heavenly father was watching over me at every moment. When things became overwhelming, I had faith that he would reach down and stir the ethers, causing reality to eventually coalesce into something bearable. I just had to have a little patience that’s all. It always seemed to happen that way in times past. I had a long-standing record of things just miraculously working out, so no need to worry myself too much about the ending when God was around.

Of course, that didn’t immediately alleviate the stress I might have to endure in the present. The only tool I had for that was prayer and patience. I also had to be very tough and long suffering unfortunately. I just figured this was how everyone’s life was. Suffering, but ultimately a great victory over all the evil misfortunes that live in the material world.

Unfortunately, another power I had was actually naivety. I didn’t always think of all the possible misfortunes that might befall me. I was oblivious to them due to ignorance and lack of experience with extreme misfortune. My naivety also caused me to be a lot more trusting of people. I believed that since my own intentions were good, then everyone else thought the same way as me. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is assuming other people think like you.

To summarize it, I think my confidence stemmed primarily from these factors.

  1. I have faith in a divine presence who protects me.
  2. I have occasionally witnessed seemingly miraculous events.
  3. I believe that good will overcome evil in the long run.
  4. I use prayer to call upon God to fight my battles.
  5. I have become tough and long suffering.
  6. I have been blessed with many talents.
  7. I cultivated as much patience as possible.
  8. I was relatively naive, which isn’t always bad.
  9. I didn’t distrust the motives of everyone.
  10. I believed confidence improved my odds.

I lost a lot of confidence.

After my interactions with this girl, I started to see more of what it was like to be her, with all her mental and emotional challenges. In many ways, I think she rubbed off on me. She also instilled doubt in my mind and made me a lot less naive. After she exited from my life, I really began to question whether there would be a good outcome for either of us. The long suffering also became very taxing, especially after many years of it. It started breaking me down on the inside. I pray that everything works out for both of us, but I no longer have enough confidence to believe in a happy ending.

Are you a confident person? Do you have any of the traits that led to my confidence? Is there anything you would add? Have you ever been totally confused by another person’s behavior? Do you know anyone who is living in constant survival mode emotionally? Do you know anyone with similar anxiety issues? Would upbringing and childhood trauma lead to this type of anxiety and impatience?

Let me know below, and please remember to like, share, and subscribe!

Coping strategies

Today’s question is what strategies do I use to cope with negative feelings? This is definitely an area where I need to improve. I have been dealing with about seven years’ worth of negative feelings, so I should be good at it by now, but I don’t think I have any strategy that works perfectly.

Before I get started on my list, I want to relate something I do that helps me get the motivation to get out of bed. On the days I can’t sleep the day away, I will hit the snooze on the alarm and just lay there thinking. I have this memory of my late grandmother stroking my hair on the days I was ill and feverish and telling me it would be okay. Even though I felt sick enough to die, it somehow made me feel like living. I found that memory also works on days when I am just sick of life. I will lay there in bed and imagine my grandmother stroking my hair and telling me the day will be fine. That memory is really the last time I felt true affection from another person. It was pure and unconditional love. Somewhere along the way, affection became tainted by people using it to get what they want. Pure unadulterated affection is probably the most powerful medicine in the world. Unfortunately, I can only find it in my distant memories now, but it still melts away all the suffering. Thank you, grandma, for healing me through endless ages with your love.

  1. Prayer. I pray to God a lot. It’s not like a traditional prayer, but like a very long conversation, sometimes spanning hours. There has never been a time when I thought I lost God’s attention though. He’s pretty much the only person who listens to me. I am reminded of David’s very famous line, “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.” (Psalm 139:8). It really is true. He is always with his children, wherever they may find themselves.
  2. Games. I sometimes play video games. I’m not super into it like some people. I think this stems from the fact that I am not at all competitive. I mainly use games as a distraction. There is one thing about them that drags me into them. I sort of connect with the hero archetype that is personified in many games. If the right cause awakens me, I will slay all your dragons. Basically, I have a hero complex, otherwise known as a savior complex. If my people need me, I will rescue them.
  3. Conversation. If I meet the right person while I am out, we will have a wonderful time together, just talking the night away. I love conversing with those people. Sometimes I get to hear their whole life story, and I love true stories! Sometimes they are unloading emotional problems, and I’m totally there to hear them out. There’s also a surprising amount of intellectual, philosophical, and political discussions that happen at bars. I’m a great listener, and it’s definitely a good distraction.
  4. Dreams. Occasionally I have bad dreams, but for the most part my dreams are tolerable, sometimes even pleasant. In my dreams, I am not myself. I am free to be whoever I want. It is so liberating! I sometimes wish I could just change my name, move far away, and start over, meeting all new people. Dreams are the closest I come to that wish.
  5. Reading. I read a lot of books. My record for a year is over one hundred books. That used to be the goal I set each year. I don’t read as much as that anymore, but it has always been a part of my life. A good book is one of the only things that can sufficiently distract me from my troubles. I also listen to audiobooks when I go on walks or drive long distance.
  6. Writing. As you know, I write blog posts quite often. It helps me to get things out in the open. I am probably too open with strangers, but they are mostly supportive in the blogging community. There is some degree of protection from the anonymity of it all I suppose. To me, blogging is very therapeutic. I also dream of being a novelist one day, if I can ever straighten my emotions out enough stay on it.
  7. Women. I’m not going to lie, a lot of the negativity that encroaches on my happiness is from the heartbreak women have caused me. That being said, those same women filled my life with incredible happiness when they were with me. That’s why losing them hurt me so badly. I don’t think women realize how much power they have to heal. I know if the right girl came along, she would easily be able to wipe away all the hurt of those who left me in shambles. It’s almost too much power for any person to wield. I suppose there are women who feel the same way about men.
  8. Thunder. I don’t know why, but rolling thunder and rain help me to relax. I have an app that just plays the sound of thunder and rain. I use it to fall asleep some nights. It also seems to reduce the chances of me waking up over in the night. I suppose it is the remnant of childhood memories where the rain on our tin roof helped me sleep, or maybe thunder just scares off negative forces. Either way, the thunderstorm is one of my dearest friends.

Are there any memories from your childhood that get you through the day? What is your view of affection on mental health? Did you have a good relationship with your parents and grandparents? Do you have any good coping strategies you would add? What’s the biggest source of negativity in your life? Do you have a savior complex?

Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Also, thanks for being here! Love you all!

I believe in fate.

I didn’t post this question on time, but I wanted to answer it, since I started it. The question is do I believe in fate/destiny? The answer is yes, I believe in fate and destiny.

A few years back, my life was rocked by a series of really bad happenings. During that time, there was a girl I knew who did some things that I really couldn’t understand at all. She also ended up deserting me at my lowest and it hurt me very badly, maybe worse than anyone has ever hurt me, considering all the other things that were going on at the time. Losing her marked a turning point in my life, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to recover from it.

When my life was at this lowest point, there was a girl who sudden appeared. She was a very special girl to me. She was literally the only girl who could have explained what had happened with this other girl. Not only that, but she also taught me things about myself that I didn’t even know. My whole worldview was changed as a result of those late-night conversations, and for the first time I began to see and understand a world that was completely oblivious to me prior to meeting her.

Unfortunately, I failed to repair the damage with the one who abandoned me. Eventually, her marriage failed, and she got a divorce last year. I know it caused her a great deal of pain also, so I feel immense sorrow for her. Life really isn’t fair and it’s fraught with heartbreak and suffering. I completely forgive her for any pain she caused me, and I hope she forgives me for not understanding her at the time.

I have always sort of believed in fate, and I certainly believe it was fate that brought me and this girl together. I really don’t know if I would be here today if I hadn’t met her. I owe her my life. I sincerely hope that one day fate will allow me to repay her, with interest. That is one of the things that keeps me going. Fate is unpredictable, but it certainly could happen. I’ll always be here if she needs me for anything. May God bless her eternally.

Do you believe in fate or destiny? Has there been a time in your life when the exact thing you needed seemed to appear at exactly the right time? Have you ever met someone who changed your whole perspective? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

If I were someone else.

Today, I am asked who I would want to be if I could be someone else. This is actually a fairly common thought I have. Very often, when I lay down to sleep, I make a silent wish that I could just wake up as another person. It doesn’t happen though. Every day I just wake up as me again, and again, and again. I sometimes feel like I’m that guy in Groundhog Day, repeating the same day over and over until I finally get it right.

It’s not that my life is extremely bad. I have a lot of the things that many people strive their whole life to acquire. I’m sure some people wouldn’t mind trading with me actually. It doesn’t make me happy though. I know this sounds very ungrateful, and I hate that, but it’s just so incredibly lonely to be me.

When I make this wish, it is always the same. If I could be someone else for a day, I would choose to wake up as the guy she is with now. I would spend that day doing all the things that make her happy. I would make it the best day we had ever had together. We would live like there was no tomorrow, because there wouldn’t be. It would all come to an end when my day is used up.

Who would you like to wake up as? Is there a person from your past you would like to have a day with again? Do you think someone would enjoy being you for a day? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

The perfect girl.

I see her every night. Usually, she has blond hair, but sometimes other colors. Sometimes she is dressed in a sexy outfit, sometimes in an elegant dress, other times in athleticwear and sneakers. It doesn’t matter. She will be desirable in whatever clothing she chooses. It will always be in good taste, and other girls will want to wear it just by seeing her in it. She smiles at you, and you think you have a chance, but you don’t. That’s just her charm. She is liked by everyone, except for maybe those who envy her. She makes your palms sweat and your heartbeat faster. You can’t stop yourself from being super courteous to her, even though you know she hasn’t done anything extra to deserve it. There are a hundred other guys with a better chance than you, but you still feel special just for being in the same room with her. She’s the perfect girl.

The middle school girl.

When I was in about middle school range, there was a girl in my grade that I still remember very well. She might have been the first perfect girl I ever saw. I liked everything about her, the way she looked, the way she talked, the sound of her voice, even the cute little things she did. Her seat in math class was at the desk just left of me. I can remember that until this day. I used to look over at her from time to time and dream that she might one day be my girlfriend.

My shyness at the time caused me to keep this to myself. I would have never been able to tell her how much I liked her. That would have been way too unpredictable. I knew she might not feel the same way about me, which would cause her to reject me. This was not something I wanted to find out about the hard way. I would almost rather just go on unknowing, as I could at least have hope that way.

Unfortunately, there came a day in gym class when it was just too much to keep to myself. I had to tell someone! It so happened it was my cousin, who was also my best friend throughout childhood. Perhaps when I told him I didn’t quite make him understand this was supposed to be a secret. No sooner than the words came out of my mouth did he run down the court, grab her by the arm, and basically dragged her up to the bleachers where I was standing.

She was kind of shocked by his actions as I recall, as he didn’t really tell her anything but to come with him. This essentially left me and the girl face to face with each other, her with a dazed and confused look on her face. He then blurted out, he likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend! I felt my insides dry up, and I just wanted to run away and hide, but it all happened too fast. As soon as she figured out what this was all about, she glanced over at him and energetically said, no way! That’s grody! I will never be his girlfriend! Then she ran away as fast as she could go.

I don’t think I had much of a reaction to it in the moment. It all happened too fast, but it wounded me quite a bit to hear those words come out of her mouth. I thought of all the future times she would have to avert her eyes while passing me in the hall, or what she might say to the other kids. Mostly though, it hurt me because I knew I would have to let go of all my hope of being with the perfect girl. As I recall, she moved a year or two afterward, and even though she didn’t like me, I was still a little sad to see her go. I liked her in spite of everything, I guess.

I found out later through classmates that she become a teen mom shortly after entering the next school, making her the youngest girl from my grade to become pregnant in their teens. This really cemented the idea that I probably wouldn’t see her again, because she now had a husband and a child to raise. As predicted, I never really heard from her afterward, though she did leave me with my first real emotional scar, and something to spend the rest of my life pondering.

The high school girl.

A few years after I lost the perfect girl, I found myself in high school, and there was a girl in my class that seemed to be very nice to me. She would always pick a seat right behind me. She would even carry my books sometimes. She liked listening to me and would laugh at anything funny I said. She also followed my interests it seemed. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It kind of made me feel like a rock star, and she was one of my biggest fans.

An odd thought entered my mind during this time. Was she as infatuated with me as I was with the girl who didn’t like me? If so, then I was experiencing the same problem again, except in reverse, because I wasn’t attracted to her at all. She just wasn’t my type. I never even dreamed of it and couldn’t even imagine being with her in that way. I would never be a good boyfriend for her, and I knew it.

I sometimes wondered if there would be an equally awkward moment where I had to tell her I didn’t like her that way, that we could never be anything but friends. I did consider her to be one of my best friends. I wouldn’t use cruel words like grody, but it might still be a big letdown for her. She would have to accept that her perfect guy was a hopeless dream. I didn’t have the heart to break that to her on pure suspicion, so I just didn’t say anything about it. We were friends for many years after high school, and thankfully that moment never came.

The search continues.

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be the last time this problem would surface in my life, and I also believe it’s plagued many other people. It seems cruel that we have to go through life constantly meeting the perfect person, only to discover they don’t like us, and vice versa. I find it especially sad because I really do believe that every person needs to find and be with the person who makes them truly happy. I assume that some people do just hit it off early and end up living happily ever after, but I think that’s incredibly rare. For most of us, something very different plays out.

Everyone faces a rejection or two, but if the rejections are harsh, or it happens too often, you eventually begin to lose self-esteem. It becomes more and more difficult to approach anyone you like for fear of a repeat rejection. This can very quickly lead to loneliness and depression, because you begin to lose all hope of meeting the right person. This can be very devastating to a person’s mental health.

Another thing that can happen is you begin lowering your sense of worth. You assume that you are just not good enough to attract the right person, so you begin to settle for less and less of what you desire. Settling for someone helps with the loneliness, but if it’s not a person you truly desire, the relationship can be less than satisfying. You may also be left with regrets for not holding out longer. Occasionally, a much better prospect will appear after you have already committed to a lesser relationship, which can lead to a painful breakup or possibly cheating.

Probably one of the worst things that can happen is when someone dramatically lowers the bar. They pretty much accept anyone, just to keep from being alone, then drop them quickly when they find other prospects. This leads to a string of broken hearts, and maybe a few infections. It might be fun for some people, but the resulting relationships are not very meaningful. At some point, people begin to think you are just about short-term gratification.

In some of these situations, you might be the person who is with someone who is settling or lowering the bar. It can be very painful to discover this is the case. Being with them may have boosted your self-esteem and now you have to face the painful realization that you might not be able to meet a comparable person. I believe I have experienced something like this before, and I would compare it to an eagle lifting you up to the heavens, then just dropping you to the ground. The fall to a low self-esteem can be brutally painful, depending on how high they lifted you up.

When you are trying to figure all this out, there can also be quite a battle from within. One side of you might think logically about who the best person is for you, but the other side wants the satisfaction that comes from being with the other person. It’s like a war between two distinctly different people living inside you. It’s also not uncommon for friends and family to try and reason with you on your choices, but it’s often the subconscious emotions that make the decision, not the rational mind. That doesn’t mean there are no regrets when things go awry.

I think one of the reasons why this problem seems so ugly to me is I feel like we are born with an immense amount of love to give to a very special person. It always disturbed me that you can’t give it to the person you want. Love was meant to flow, not be all cooped up inside you. At some point, it just becomes a bubbling cauldron of black tar in your heart making you sour on the inside.

I hope you never find the perfect person, and then lose them, like I have done on a couple of occasions. It is a positively wicked thing to endure. My wish for everyone is that they find their soulmate, the person who matches them perfectly, that they have no regret in choosing, that truly completes them, and they keep them for as long as their life permits.

Have you had similar relationship experiences? What happened? Do you believe settling is good or bad? Has anyone ever destroyed your self-esteem? How? Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Do you feel torn between the person you think is good for you, and the person you really want? Do you think it’s hard to find the perfect person? What was your first crush like? What are you really looking for in your person? Do you believe in soulmates? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

An unexpected life story.

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