Today’s question is what strategies do I use to cope with negative feelings? This is definitely an area where I need to improve. I have been dealing with about seven years’ worth of negative feelings, so I should be good at it by now, but I don’t think I have any strategy that works perfectly.
Before I get started on my list, I want to relate something I do that helps me get the motivation to get out of bed. On the days I can’t sleep the day away, I will hit the snooze on the alarm and just lay there thinking. I have this memory of my late grandmother stroking my hair on the days I was ill and feverish and telling me it would be okay. Even though I felt sick enough to die, it somehow made me feel like living. I found that memory also works on days when I am just sick of life. I will lay there in bed and imagine my grandmother stroking my hair and telling me the day will be fine. That memory is really the last time I felt true affection from another person. It was pure and unconditional love. Somewhere along the way, affection became tainted by people using it to get what they want. Pure unadulterated affection is probably the most powerful medicine in the world. Unfortunately, I can only find it in my distant memories now, but it still melts away all the suffering. Thank you, grandma, for healing me through endless ages with your love.
- Prayer. I pray to God a lot. It’s not like a traditional prayer, but like a very long conversation, sometimes spanning hours. There has never been a time when I thought I lost God’s attention though. He’s pretty much the only person who listens to me. I am reminded of David’s very famous line, “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.” (Psalm 139:8). It really is true. He is always with his children, wherever they may find themselves.
- Games. I sometimes play video games. I’m not super into it like some people. I think this stems from the fact that I am not at all competitive. I mainly use games as a distraction. There is one thing about them that drags me into them. I sort of connect with the hero archetype that is personified in many games. If the right cause awakens me, I will slay all your dragons. Basically, I have a hero complex, otherwise known as a savior complex. If my people need me, I will rescue them.
- Conversation. If I meet the right person while I am out, we will have a wonderful time together, just talking the night away. I love conversing with those people. Sometimes I get to hear their whole life story, and I love true stories! Sometimes they are unloading emotional problems, and I’m totally there to hear them out. There’s also a surprising amount of intellectual, philosophical, and political discussions that happen at bars. I’m a great listener, and it’s definitely a good distraction.
- Dreams. Occasionally I have bad dreams, but for the most part my dreams are tolerable, sometimes even pleasant. In my dreams, I am not myself. I am free to be whoever I want. It is so liberating! I sometimes wish I could just change my name, move far away, and start over, meeting all new people. Dreams are the closest I come to that wish.
- Reading. I read a lot of books. My record for a year is over one hundred books. That used to be the goal I set each year. I don’t read as much as that anymore, but it has always been a part of my life. A good book is one of the only things that can sufficiently distract me from my troubles. I also listen to audiobooks when I go on walks or drive long distance.
- Writing. As you know, I write blog posts quite often. It helps me to get things out in the open. I am probably too open with strangers, but they are mostly supportive in the blogging community. There is some degree of protection from the anonymity of it all I suppose. To me, blogging is very therapeutic. I also dream of being a novelist one day, if I can ever straighten my emotions out enough stay on it.
- Women. I’m not going to lie, a lot of the negativity that encroaches on my happiness is from the heartbreak women have caused me. That being said, those same women filled my life with incredible happiness when they were with me. That’s why losing them hurt me so badly. I don’t think women realize how much power they have to heal. I know if the right girl came along, she would easily be able to wipe away all the hurt of those who left me in shambles. It’s almost too much power for any person to wield. I suppose there are women who feel the same way about men.
- Thunder. I don’t know why, but rolling thunder and rain help me to relax. I have an app that just plays the sound of thunder and rain. I use it to fall asleep some nights. It also seems to reduce the chances of me waking up over in the night. I suppose it is the remnant of childhood memories where the rain on our tin roof helped me sleep, or maybe thunder just scares off negative forces. Either way, the thunderstorm is one of my dearest friends.
Are there any memories from your childhood that get you through the day? What is your view of affection on mental health? Did you have a good relationship with your parents and grandparents? Do you have any good coping strategies you would add? What’s the biggest source of negativity in your life? Do you have a savior complex?
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Also, thanks for being here! Love you all!
Ken's Life 