Tag: shy

My favorite holiday

I don’t know why, but holidays have become increasingly less important to me. Maybe it’s because many of the really important people in my life have slowly dwindled, including my grandparents, father, and both of my mom’s brothers. They were all very instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today. I do have fond memories of the holidays from my childhood though. Below are a few of my favorite.

  1. Christmas. Christmas was probably my favorite holiday. It was a time when the whole family came together to celebrate. We would celebrate at home, and also go out to my uncle’s house. He was a strong glue to our family. He always wanted to pull everyone in for the holidays. After he died, it became increasingly difficult to get extended family together. Growing up in a Christian family, I also loved this holiday because it is a celebration of Jesus’s birthday. His message is by far the strongest during this time of year, and people just seem to be in a more positive mood. Lastly, Christmas was a time when I got presents, which I think all young children love.
  2. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was another holiday where my uncle would try to pull everyone in the extended family together. There were no presents, but there were many excellent cooks in my family. Everything you know about traditional Thanksgiving food was present at the table, and prepared perfectly, from what I remember. I was especially fond of the dressing my grandmother made every year.
  3. Halloween. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays because of trick or treating. We would all dress up in costumes and our parents would walk us around the neighborhood collecting candy and other treats. The hardest part for me was that I was a shy kid, so getting the nerve to walk up and say trick or treat wasn’t easy, but the payoff made it worthwhile. It was sometimes surreal seeing all the other kids in costumes, but not particularly scary. It was just a fun time.
  4. Summer. This wasn’t technically a holiday, but if it was, I would rate it as the best of all holidays. The reason why is because it was a period of time when I didn’t have to worry about getting up every day and going to school. I could just stay home, and run with my dog, or play with my toys, or find some mischief to get into. I’m sure it wasn’t my parents favorite time of year, but it was definitely mine. What I wouldn’t give for a long summer vacation these days.

What is your favorite holiday? Did family play an important role in your holiday celebration? Was there someone in your family who provided the glue? What are some of your favorite holiday memories? What would you do if you had a three-month summer vacation every year? Let me know in the comments, and remember to like, share, and subscribe!

Advising my teenage self.

Today, I ponder what advice I would give my teenage self. I’ve heard this question asked in a variety of ways, but I don’t have a lot to say about it. I kind of believe that where you start out makes a huge difference in how far you can go. I mean, you definitely can stretch the walls of your prison, but not to an extreme level. I feel like I have maximized my little cell in the world, but it’s never been grandiose, and many times it was lonely and unpleasant. Below are a few things that restrained me severely.

  1. You can’t choose where you enter the world. I grew up in a small rural village with no good sources of income anywhere around. It kept me in poverty most of my life.
  2. You can’t choose your parents. My family were good people, but they didn’t push me in the direction of greatly improving myself because they were humble people. I mainly had to rely on myself for motivation.
  3. You may have a family that wants or needs you. My family didn’t really push me away. They wanted me to remain with them forever, which is good, but a young man can’t remain in a town that provides no growth potential.
  4. You may not have access to higher education. There were no colleges close to where I grew up. I would have had to move far away and rack up huge expenses to gain an education. As a result, it took me way too many years to complete my education.
  5. You may be awkward, shy, or unattractive. I was probably all of these things in my younger years, especially shy. Highly social people tend to get ahead faster in our society.
  6. You may not have anyone to help you. I didn’t have a rich uncle, nor did I have friends to help me get my foot in the door somewhere. I had to do most of the heavy lifting by myself.
  7. You might find yourself surrounded by the wrong people. Some of the people I met lead me down the wrong path. It took me a while to realize they were no good for me.
  8. You may be born with desires and emotions that are hard to control. I spent most of my life in pursuit of someone who could make me happy. I was not good at attracting or keeping them. The loneliness and heartbreak kept me depressed way too often.
  9. You may have a lot of burdens. I wouldn’t say I was over burdened, but there were definitely people who relied on me, taking away from me the resources I would have had to grow.
  10. You may find yourself in heavy competition. The closer I got to being where I should have been all along, the more envy it evoked in hateful people. I became engulfed in wars I never planned to enter. I overcame most of them, but it took it’s toll on me.

Even though I don’t think I could have changed my fate too much, there are a few pieces of advice that might have caused me to get where I am now a lot faster. Here are a few things that come to mind.

  1. Assume the goal is to win, not just exist or be happy. I hate being competitive with a passion, but this is a dog-eat-dog world we live in. I should have forced myself to be highly competitive in the areas that matter.
  2. Become organized and methodical. I was very disorganized growing up. I should have spent a lot more time on homework, and I should have developed a method of maintaining a high grade point average, like I did later in college.
  3. Do hard things. I should have forced myself to get out of my comfort zone and do hard things, like talking to more people, public speaking, etc. Things are usually only hard because you haven’t done them a thousand times. It gets easier.
  4. Lose all the fear. I was held back by fears that existed mainly in my mind. It wasn’t until many years later, when I stopped caring if I failed, that I began to realize that fear was the only thing holding me back.
  5. Know when to run. When you find yourself surrounded by people who are holding you back or getting you in trouble, I have one word of advice for you. Run! You can still love them, but you are going to have to do it from afar. Everyone is on a separate track. You have to run your own race. This also means you may need to leave your hometown and everyone behind at some point.
  6. Educate yourself. We live in a world that requires an ever increasing level of education. Try to stay ahead of that curve. As always, plan ahead as to how you are going to pay off any school loans, and make sure the degree you get makes that kind of money.
  7. Mind your finances. Make sure you live below your means. You should have enough left over to put aside for retirement and emergencies. You should realize that you cannot live above your means for long. Make lifestyle adjustments that will maximize savings. Also, don’t keep high interest debt. Pay off credit cards every month, and if you can’t do that, don’t use them at all.
  8. Don’t rely on trust. Understand that betrayal comes from places you never dreamed. Even Jesus couldn’t prevent people from betraying him. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and work to set things up in a way that you continue to survive, even when people fail or desert you.
  9. Don’t promise the world. Be very careful about what you agree to do. You can lock yourself up in unnecessary obligations that take away your time and resources. This is true of relationships also. Don’t bind yourself to someone when there is doubt that they are the right one. Avoid commitment until you are absolutely sure. Don’t settle.
  10. Take initiative. People who take initiative get things done, and that gets noticed. If you see something that needs to change or be done, just do it yourself. Some people will work harder at avoiding to do something than it takes to actually do it. New opportunities usually open up for people who can get things done.
  11. Become an athletic person. I didn’t appreciate athletes back then, as I thought they were a bunch of arrogant meat heads. At some point in my life, my health was not what it should be, so I changed my diet and started lifting weights. When the muscle mass increased, people started seeing me differently, and my health and self-esteem greatly improved.
  12. Have patience. Success doesn’t happen overnight and the road is often very lonely. Realize that the right people will come at the right time. Being healthy, self-sufficient, and financially sound will help to attract them.

Do you believe our lives are a product of our circumstances? Did you have a good start in life or a bad one? Have you expanded your horizons considerably? Would you add something to this list of advice?

The perfect girl.

I see her every night. Usually, she has blond hair, but sometimes other colors. Sometimes she is dressed in a sexy outfit, sometimes in an elegant dress, other times in athleticwear and sneakers. It doesn’t matter. She will be desirable in whatever clothing she chooses. It will always be in good taste, and other girls will want to wear it just by seeing her in it. She smiles at you, and you think you have a chance, but you don’t. That’s just her charm. She is liked by everyone, except for maybe those who envy her. She makes your palms sweat and your heartbeat faster. You can’t stop yourself from being super courteous to her, even though you know she hasn’t done anything extra to deserve it. There are a hundred other guys with a better chance than you, but you still feel special just for being in the same room with her. She’s the perfect girl.

The middle school girl.

When I was in about middle school range, there was a girl in my grade that I still remember very well. She might have been the first perfect girl I ever saw. I liked everything about her, the way she looked, the way she talked, the sound of her voice, even the cute little things she did. Her seat in math class was at the desk just left of me. I can remember that until this day. I used to look over at her from time to time and dream that she might one day be my girlfriend.

My shyness at the time caused me to keep this to myself. I would have never been able to tell her how much I liked her. That would have been way too unpredictable. I knew she might not feel the same way about me, which would cause her to reject me. This was not something I wanted to find out about the hard way. I would almost rather just go on unknowing, as I could at least have hope that way.

Unfortunately, there came a day in gym class when it was just too much to keep to myself. I had to tell someone! It so happened it was my cousin, who was also my best friend throughout childhood. Perhaps when I told him I didn’t quite make him understand this was supposed to be a secret. No sooner than the words came out of my mouth did he run down the court, grab her by the arm, and basically dragged her up to the bleachers where I was standing.

She was kind of shocked by his actions as I recall, as he didn’t really tell her anything but to come with him. This essentially left me and the girl face to face with each other, her with a dazed and confused look on her face. He then blurted out, he likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend! I felt my insides dry up, and I just wanted to run away and hide, but it all happened too fast. As soon as she figured out what this was all about, she glanced over at him and energetically said, no way! That’s grody! I will never be his girlfriend! Then she ran away as fast as she could go.

I don’t think I had much of a reaction to it in the moment. It all happened too fast, but it wounded me quite a bit to hear those words come out of her mouth. I thought of all the future times she would have to avert her eyes while passing me in the hall, or what she might say to the other kids. Mostly though, it hurt me because I knew I would have to let go of all my hope of being with the perfect girl. As I recall, she moved a year or two afterward, and even though she didn’t like me, I was still a little sad to see her go. I liked her in spite of everything, I guess.

I found out later through classmates that she become a teen mom shortly after entering the next school, making her the youngest girl from my grade to become pregnant in their teens. This really cemented the idea that I probably wouldn’t see her again, because she now had a husband and a child to raise. As predicted, I never really heard from her afterward, though she did leave me with my first real emotional scar, and something to spend the rest of my life pondering.

The high school girl.

A few years after I lost the perfect girl, I found myself in high school, and there was a girl in my class that seemed to be very nice to me. She would always pick a seat right behind me. She would even carry my books sometimes. She liked listening to me and would laugh at anything funny I said. She also followed my interests it seemed. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It kind of made me feel like a rock star, and she was one of my biggest fans.

An odd thought entered my mind during this time. Was she as infatuated with me as I was with the girl who didn’t like me? If so, then I was experiencing the same problem again, except in reverse, because I wasn’t attracted to her at all. She just wasn’t my type. I never even dreamed of it and couldn’t even imagine being with her in that way. I would never be a good boyfriend for her, and I knew it.

I sometimes wondered if there would be an equally awkward moment where I had to tell her I didn’t like her that way, that we could never be anything but friends. I did consider her to be one of my best friends. I wouldn’t use cruel words like grody, but it might still be a big letdown for her. She would have to accept that her perfect guy was a hopeless dream. I didn’t have the heart to break that to her on pure suspicion, so I just didn’t say anything about it. We were friends for many years after high school, and thankfully that moment never came.

The search continues.

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be the last time this problem would surface in my life, and I also believe it’s plagued many other people. It seems cruel that we have to go through life constantly meeting the perfect person, only to discover they don’t like us, and vice versa. I find it especially sad because I really do believe that every person needs to find and be with the person who makes them truly happy. I assume that some people do just hit it off early and end up living happily ever after, but I think that’s incredibly rare. For most of us, something very different plays out.

Everyone faces a rejection or two, but if the rejections are harsh, or it happens too often, you eventually begin to lose self-esteem. It becomes more and more difficult to approach anyone you like for fear of a repeat rejection. This can very quickly lead to loneliness and depression, because you begin to lose all hope of meeting the right person. This can be very devastating to a person’s mental health.

Another thing that can happen is you begin lowering your sense of worth. You assume that you are just not good enough to attract the right person, so you begin to settle for less and less of what you desire. Settling for someone helps with the loneliness, but if it’s not a person you truly desire, the relationship can be less than satisfying. You may also be left with regrets for not holding out longer. Occasionally, a much better prospect will appear after you have already committed to a lesser relationship, which can lead to a painful breakup or possibly cheating.

Probably one of the worst things that can happen is when someone dramatically lowers the bar. They pretty much accept anyone, just to keep from being alone, then drop them quickly when they find other prospects. This leads to a string of broken hearts, and maybe a few infections. It might be fun for some people, but the resulting relationships are not very meaningful. At some point, people begin to think you are just about short-term gratification.

In some of these situations, you might be the person who is with someone who is settling or lowering the bar. It can be very painful to discover this is the case. Being with them may have boosted your self-esteem and now you have to face the painful realization that you might not be able to meet a comparable person. I believe I have experienced something like this before, and I would compare it to an eagle lifting you up to the heavens, then just dropping you to the ground. The fall to a low self-esteem can be brutally painful, depending on how high they lifted you up.

When you are trying to figure all this out, there can also be quite a battle from within. One side of you might think logically about who the best person is for you, but the other side wants the satisfaction that comes from being with the other person. It’s like a war between two distinctly different people living inside you. It’s also not uncommon for friends and family to try and reason with you on your choices, but it’s often the subconscious emotions that make the decision, not the rational mind. That doesn’t mean there are no regrets when things go awry.

I think one of the reasons why this problem seems so ugly to me is I feel like we are born with an immense amount of love to give to a very special person. It always disturbed me that you can’t give it to the person you want. Love was meant to flow, not be all cooped up inside you. At some point, it just becomes a bubbling cauldron of black tar in your heart making you sour on the inside.

I hope you never find the perfect person, and then lose them, like I have done on a couple of occasions. It is a positively wicked thing to endure. My wish for everyone is that they find their soulmate, the person who matches them perfectly, that they have no regret in choosing, that truly completes them, and they keep them for as long as their life permits.

Have you had similar relationship experiences? What happened? Do you believe settling is good or bad? Has anyone ever destroyed your self-esteem? How? Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Do you feel torn between the person you think is good for you, and the person you really want? Do you think it’s hard to find the perfect person? What was your first crush like? What are you really looking for in your person? Do you believe in soulmates? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come

A few posts back, I mentioned that I am trying to get a feel for different book genres and started collecting suggestions from you. I am going to reblog that post below for reference. Please feel free to add to the list by commenting on the post. I am still processing through one book at a time, and I hope to read all of your suggestions. Please feel free to read along and add your own thoughts in the comments.

The book I just finished is called Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jessica Pan. I thoroughly enjoyed this book! I was once a shy introvert just like Jessica describes in this book. I managed to overcome most of my shyness gradually over the years, but she takes a different approach. She just throws caution to the wind and dives headlong into an introvert’s hell all at once. I found her journey to be entertaining and insightful. I really do believe we were meant to continue to make friends throughout our whole lives, not just during our younger years. Making new friends is also an objective I strive for daily. If you are also a shy person, I think you will equally enjoy reading this book. Five stars!

On a side note, I found Jessica’s relationship with her husband to be very interesting. She’s literally connecting with everyone under the sun, traveling abroad by herself and everything. It was kind of refreshing to see how trusting they were in their relationship. I guess I’ve witnessed too many relationships where jealousy binds the couple up in such a way that they are afraid to venture out very far, which is really sad to me.

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes

Rating: 5 out of 5.

An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way.

What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Jessica sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much, much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver.

Fiction Genres

Are you an introvert or extrovert? Have you ever tried to overcome your fears by facing off against them? Would you ever do standup comedy? Have you ever traveled abroad by yourself? Do you think jealousy ruins a relationship? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and remember to like, share, and subscribe!

An unexpected life story.

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A time when I felt out of place.

I’ve pretty much felt out of place most of my life. Sometimes I ponder the idea that I was incarnated into the wrong universe even. Actually, I’m pretty sure of that, but you can’t turn back after birth. Only one way out, unfortunately, and it’s a sad and painful exit most of the time.

I would say I mostly feel out of place when I enter a new place. It is sort of thrilling though, I must admit. Walking into a bar where you know no one, then trying to survive and connect to people until everyone is at ease, including yourself. It’s good practice honestly, and I’ve become fairly good at it as a result.

Every now and then, I will actually meet a person that truly makes me feel like I’m not out of place, like I have finally made it home. Everything just clicks with them. It feels like they are from the same universe as I am, like we’ve known each other forever, like they are family even. I try to keep those people close, but this universe makes that very hard, and I usually fail at it.

Honestly, I think the hardest thing I face in life is finding those few people who really get me, and then hanging on to them. I hope and pray with every ounce of my being that I am one day reunited with them in a place of our very own. A place where we truly fit in and never feel out of place. A place where we are surrounded by people who actually understand us. A place we can finally call home.

Where do you feel out of place? Do you like entering new places? Are you intimidated by meeting new people? Do some people make you feel out of place? Where is your place of greatest comfort? Let us know in the comments, and please remember to like, share, and subscribe!

The girl who talked to strangers.

I met her at a bar I used to frequent. I mainly went to this bar because it was within walking distance of my place. It was also the first bar I started going to regularly after moving downtown. It had a good atmosphere and a large selection of draft beer. There was also this dark-haired female bartender working there who was pleasant and fun to be around. Incidentally, both of these girls had the same given name, but they were about as different as night and day.

The bartender was a pale skinny girl with long jet-black hair and a few visible tats on her body. I’d say she was probably one of the most attractive bartenders I’ve met downtown. She had a mild goth vibe but could actually dress in just about anything and make it work for her. I remember she also liked wearing turquoise rings. I believe her coworkers saw her as being somewhat narcissistic, but I didn’t have to work with her professionally. I just know she was always sweet to me, and I found her very likable.

The girl I met in this bar was quite different. She had long curly hair that was dirty blond in color. Some of the people who met her said she favored Jennifer Lawrence. I didn’t immediately see that, but after I heard it said, I could see a little bit of a resemblance. This girl was much tanner than the bartender and spent quite a lot of time at the pool during the Summer, sometimes too much, and came out looking like a lobster.

The fun of people watching

I’m not quite sure how we became introduced, maybe it was the bartender. I know this bartender was quite fond of introducing me to new people, which is one of the reasons I liked her. However it happened, it happened, and I remember we talked about something on the television. The screen was on, but there was no sound, and it might not have even been our native language. As we watched it, we started trying to figure out what was going on just by the actions. Were they having an argument? Was this about to be a romantic scene? We just started guessing and talking about it, and it turned out to be a fun game.

What we were basically doing was people watching characters on TV. At about this point, our conversation turned to the subject of people watching in real life. I had heard this phrase before, and I definitely noticed human behavior, but I don’t ever really remember having an in-depth conversation about it. She apparently had considerable experience with it, and thought it was very entertaining. She said her and her dad used to do it at restaurants when she was growing up. She seemed to have a very good relationship with her dad.

There is definitely ample opportunity to watch people in bars. It’s probably the best place in the world for people watching. There are lots of people, from all walks of life, interacting with each other in a variety of ways. The game is trying to figure out as much as you can about them through mere observation, filling in the gaps with your intuition, and a little bit of imagination. What are they talking about? Where are they from? Did they meet here, or already know each other? Is this a date? How’s the date going? Good or bad? Is there going to be a fight? What’s going to happen next? This was a game we enjoyed that night, and many other nights to come.

Guys on the phone

People watching at the bar wasn’t the only game we played that involved observing human behavior. We often ventured onto the subject of her dating life. She was on a couple of dating apps as I recall, and part of our nightly talk sometimes involved looking at profiles and deciding which guy she should date next, how she should respond to their messages, etc. It honestly felt more like a game at the time than it did dating. I didn’t say anything because it was good fun, but it actually kind of turned me off to see how many poor guys there were chasing after one girl who had lots of other prospects.

She went on dates practically every weekend and sometimes during the week. I’m sure she could easily date a different guy every night of the week if she wanted. She was always excited to tell me all about the date the next time she saw me. Sometimes it would even be the same night. She would be texting me throughout the whole date. If it wasn’t going well, she would make up an excuse to go home, and then go to the bar where I was to have drinks and talk. Sometimes they would text her, telling her good night, and she was actually out on the town.

I remember one night she got such a text while we were looking at her phone together, and I noticed something interesting when she pulled up her message list. There wasn’t even a single guy’s name saved on any of the contacts, and they were all guys she had dated. I remember asking her, how do you know which one is which? She said, I don’t. I have to go back and read a little of the text to remember which date it was. I was shocked by this to be honest, so I had to ask her, am I saved in your contacts? She said yes and pulled it up right there to show me. I said, how long did it take for you to enter my name? She said, oh, I entered it the first night I talked to you. I knew we were just friends, but still, I wanted to know if I was important enough to have my name remembered.

Friendly to the next level

We were in fact, really great friends by that time, and she had also become my perfect drinking companion. She could drink quite a bit and not get drunk, but honestly, most people thought she was drunk just by how she behaved. One time a bartender actually cut her off after like a couple of drinks. They didn’t think it was quite normal for a sober person to be so incredibly friendly. She would literally go around the bar talking to everyone. I’ve never saw anyone so good at striking up a conversation.

One thing I loved about her is that she was a really great ice breaker for me, since I was much shyer at that time. I also felt like she added something to me, something positive. I became more interactive and sociable, especially when she was with me. I also came to appreciate all the people around me. They intrigued me more, and I wanted to know all about them. I wanted to hear all their stories. I started to love conversing with random strangers almost as much as she did.

There were problems with being too friendly in a bar though. She really didn’t seem to have a filter at all. She would talk to anyone around her. I remember there was a bartender at one of the bars that used to try and caution her about this. After she would break the ice that was better left frozen, he would come up to her and say, what did I tell you about stranger danger? He did it with a smile, but I think it was mildly unnerving to him.

We sort of became known at the bars where we went around. Bartenders and patrons alike began to associate us with each other. They saw us talking all the time and started to assume we were a couple or something. Once again, the extreme friendliness seemed to be taboo. On one occasion, a guy actually came up to me when she was in the bathroom and said, how long you guys been married? I was like, since never!

Her positivity and hyper friendliness were great in my opinion, but not everyone appreciated or liked that part of her personality. They instead found her very annoying. I remember she would tell me stories about how some women at work didn’t like her, making it difficult to keep her job. I would hear all about the work drama every time we went out, and she was always looking for a better job.

The relationship with mom

Another thing I noticed was that she seemed to have a bad relationship with her mom. She moved very far away from her hometown, and it sort of became apparent that it was because of her mother. I remember one time she got a call from her mom because she turned on some app, and her mom, many states away, noticed she was at a bar because the app showed her location. Her phone lit up repeatedly after that with text after text, and call after call, until she eventually walked off and called her. She literally came back in tears! She said her mom told her she would never be able to get a good husband like her sister. She also told me that her mom’s best friend told her she should get away from her mother, because the way her mom treated her was not right. I tend to believe this was good advice, seeing the amount of emotional damage her mom’s words caused her.

Her mom probably didn’t intend to hurt her feelings this badly. I feel like she was just a very controlling person. She wanted her daughter to fit in with the people she approved. It was basically a class thing. I might add that this girl’s dad worked for a large bank, and they seemed quite wealthy. Sometimes the best intentions cause the most harm. In my opinion, insults and hurtful words often don’t lead to the expected outcome, because they cause damage that leads to even worse decisions.

The broken tibia

It got to the point where we were having drinks quite often, even during the week. It was really fun, and we met lots of new people every night. Unfortunately, I think it was hard going out drinking every night and going to work the next day. I don’t know if it was the cause, or if it was personality conflicts at work, but she began to have a harder time holding on to her job.

One night I got a text and she said she had an accident. I wasn’t sure what she meant. She said she was at work and just kind of twisted her foot and fell. When she told me this, I was thinking, okay, she sprained her ankle and will have to rest a couple of days. Unfortunately, a relatively small accident caused a lot of damage.

She actually broke her tibia. She said the ER doctors were baffled as to how a slight fall could cause such a bad break. They said they usually only see something like this in a vehicle accident. Luckily, she was at work when it happened, so it was covered by worker’s compensation, but it put even further strain on her already stressed relationship with her employer. She also lived in an apartment that had no elevator, so she decided the best course of action was to move back home until her leg healed. This put her back at her mom’s house many states away, and I honestly wasn’t sure that she would ever come back.

She and I kept in contact by texting now and then. I was mainly checking in to see how she was doing. She usually reported that her leg was healing but her mom was driving her nuts, and she couldn’t wait to go back to her apartment. She did get to see her young niece, and that made her happy, as I recall.

Life in the friend zone

She eventually returned, and we started hanging out again. It was really kind of different when she got back to town. It wasn’t long until they let her go at her job. Because she had a lot less money, she had to let her downtown apartment go. She moved in with one of her friends, but they kind of lived in the suburbs, so she wasn’t able to frequent the downtown bars very easily because they were too far away.

For a while, she would Uber downtown, but that was kind of expensive. I paid for the Uber and her drinks a lot of nights because she was still looking for a job. This raised the suspicion of some people even more that we were in some sort of relationship, but we were really just friends. It was hard for people to wrap their head around, and some people thought she was just using me. I remember there was this one bartender who told me, I’m sorry to say this, but she friend zoned you a long time ago. I was like, you don’t understand, we were always just friends!

The way people perceived us began to really get in the way of our friendship. People didn’t know what to think of it. They were people watching us, but they were getting it all wrong. They saw what they wanted, not what was real, and they couldn’t accept the truth. It felt really gross when someone would insinuate that we were a couple and she would have to say, no, we are just friends. It was the truth, but it made it sound like I wasn’t good enough for her. It got to the point where I would say it first just to keep my pride from being knocked across the room. I’m not sure, but that might have hurt her pride for me saying it. It couldn’t be helped either way though.

Probably the worst blow to our pride came one night when we had a conversation about it. She said she didn’t want to lead me on, and she wasn’t attracted to me. I agreed with her and said I feel the same way, that I wasn’t attracted to her either. It was true, but two people telling each other they are not attracted to each other doesn’t feel very good. I think deep down inside we sort of want to think we are attractive people. Otherwise, we feel like we are ugly. Being open about how we viewed each other’s appearance seemed like we were both slapping each other in the face.

I was utterly confused by the relationship myself and couldn’t figure out how to keep it going as a friendship. We began to see a lot less of each other, but we remained friends. She would occasionally come into town and have drinks on the weekend and catch me up on her life. She really loved telling me all about it.

The Angel Shot

I remember one time I took a ride share out to her neighborhood and we went to a bar to eat and have drinks. We did our people watching thing there and met a group of people. While we were talking to them, they mentioned something about an Angel Shot. This was a new thing for us. Neither one of us knew what this meant at the time. If you haven’t heard of an Angel Shot before, it is a special drink you can order at any bar, and it is supposed to secretly alert the bartender that you are in trouble and need help. Basically, it isn’t a drink at all, but a kind of distress call.

The next day I went downtown to a bar I frequent and one of the bartenders started talking to me. She looked at me funny and said, it’s been such a wild night, someone came in earlier on a date and ordered an Angel Shot. Then the bartender said, in all my years as a bartender, this was the first Angel Shot that anyone has ordered from me.

At this point, all the dots connected. We just found out about the Angel Shot the night before, and she was already putting it to use. I said, this Angel Shot, was it by any chance ordered by the girl I often come in with? She said, yea, I know you and her are very close, and I thought you might know how she’s doing. I said, I don’t know, she hasn’t told me about it yet.

The bartender then told me the story. She said, she came in with a date, and he seemed like a nice guy, kind of shy. There didn’t seem to be any disturbance between them. Then the girl walked up to the bar and ordered the Angel Shot. The bartender said she talked to her privately, and the girl said, the date isn’t going well, and I need to get away.

Since it didn’t look like she was in any danger, the bartender helped her to sneak out of the bar, and she went on to another bar, leaving the date behind. The bartender then told me that her date sat there for a while, waiting for her to come back from the bathroom, which she never did, and so he just walked out. She said he looked disappointed, but not really upset, and she kind of felt sorry for him. Then the bartender told me that she didn’t think she was in any danger. It was just an awkward date, and Angel Shots are supposed to be reserved for dangerous scenarios only.

After this conversation, I texted my friend to see if she had been to that bar recently. She then said, yea, and I have a story to tell you. She met me at the bar later and basically told me the same story. She then admitted that she shouldn’t have ordered the Angel Shot. She just panicked and wanted to get away from the date.

Questionable behavior

Now I should mention that on a few occasions I recall this girl talking about mental health. I believe I should have picked up on something there. She mentioned that everyone struggles with mental health and gets depressed sometimes. It seemed like a casual statement to make, and I agree that life can be quite a struggle, but maybe I should have seen this as a kind of hint for things to come.

After she finished telling me about the date and her escape to another bar, she began talking to me about this new guy she had met. She said she met him at the bar she went to after she escaped the date and told him the whole story. She said he had this strong foreign accent, which really turned her on. Then she said, she usually doesn’t just leave with someone she just met, but she was really into him, so they left together.

This is where the story gets weird. She told me she walked back to his vehicle with him. Then she said, don’t judge me, I know this is weird, but the vehicle he drives looks like a kidnapper van. She then showed me a picture she had taken. It was a plain looking white van and did indeed look like something a perverted kidnapper would drive. She then said, he lives in the van. He’s turned it into a sort of RV and travels all over the country in his van. She said, he has a YouTube channel and posts videos as he travels. At this point, she commenced giving me the graphic details of the wild sex she had with him in the van.

After this story, I was shocked, to say the least. She left what appeared to be a benign timid date at a bar after potentially getting him in trouble with an Angel Shot, and then sneaks off to have crazy sex with someone who could pass for a kidnapper or serial killer. At this point, I was thinking, what are the chances that a videographer is smart enough to hide cameras in his van, then invite girls back to have sex with him and film it? Pretty good I’d say. The weirdest thing was how she said she didn’t want to get her hopes that he would swing back through town. I’m like, nope, he’s not likely to come back.

Making sense of it all

More dots began to connect. She’s constantly meeting new guys and going on dates. All her relationships are very short in nature. She might talk about how great the date is at first, like he’s such a gentleman, then turn on him and see him as bad or arrogant, which also explains why she ordered the Angel Shot. Couple all this behavior with emotional damage from a parent, and it begins to look suspiciously like she is dealing with a personality disorder.

I’ve had some experience with this type of disorder before, but I really didn’t see it in her at first. After this last wild story, I decided I should at least let her know that she might need therapy. This didn’t go over well. She got mad at me for even suggesting it. Eventually, she got over her anger with me, and I think she realized I was just trying to help. That being said, it was probably the last time I really talked to her, other than an occasional hello when I see her.

Even though we don’t talk anymore, I will always see her as a great friend and a wonderful person. I’m glad I met her. She made me much more socially capable. I owe her for that. I wish her the best, and I hope she never crosses paths with someone truly dangerous.

Mental health is a very serious subject. I have struggled with depression myself, and I know people who are fighting battles in their mind that we can’t even imagine. I hope we remember to treat everyone we meet with kindness, because we never really know what that person is going though. God Bless!

Possible discussion ideas

  1. Have you ever tried people watching?
  2. Are dating apps good or bad?
  3. Do girls find it much easier to get dates?
  4. Do you think being too friendly is dangerous?
  5. Is it hard for guys and girls to just be friends?
  6. Ever heard of an Angel Shot?
  7. How important is good parenting to mental health?
  8. Do you know anyone with a personality disorder?

Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

The hottie across the garden.

When I was very young, I lived with my grandparents, and the neighborhood had quite a few people from their generation. One such couple lived right across the garden from the place where I lived.

I should explain that it was a small rural town that I lived in, and practically everyone had a garden. Most of the people in the community were retired farmers, so it made sense that they would continue their occupation on a smaller scale in their golden years. It kept them active, and also produced a lot of fresh vegetables every year.

This couple had a son who was killed in tragic accident, leaving several children behind, most of which were girls, but there was one boy, and all these children lived with their grandparents next door, right on the other side of the garden. Some of my earliest memories as a kid was with these girls. They came over often, and were among my first friends. I would definitely say those early interactions with them had a profound lifelong effect on how I see girls.

I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life, and I just liked everything about her.

On one warm summer day, I remember being outside, when one, or maybe more than one, of these girls came over. They had another girl with them that I had never seen before. She was slightly younger than me and had light blonde hair. She sort of struck differently from other girls. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life, and I just liked everything about her.

They didn’t stay too long this time. I think they were mainly introducing her to us. You see, these girl’s deceased dad had a brother, and he was getting married to this girl’s mother, so she was becoming a new member of their family. She wouldn’t be living next door, but the idea that I might see more of her made me really happy.

She stormed out of the house and looked very upset about something. She then walked around the side of the house and just stood there. It looked like she was pouting about something.

When they left, I continued about my day, but I was still very curious about this new girl. I remember I kept looking over toward her grandmother’s house, hoping she would come outside, and then I saw something odd happen. She stormed out of the house and looked very upset about something. She then walked around the side of the house and just stood there. It looked like she was pouting about something. Maybe it was my imagination, but I sort of got the impression that she wanted to come back over to my house, but they told her no.

That’s about all I remember of that day, but when school started back up she was there. She wasn’t in my grade, but I saw her on the playground everyday. She had made friends with a girl and they would walk around the playground together. I don’t remember all the interactions that lead up to it, but I somehow ended up talking to them one day.

We just walked around the playground holding hands, but I remember on one occasion she kissed me on the cheek. I remember it made me feel really happy inside.

We were all quite young, but we seemed to know about boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. It seems odd that romantic feelings would exist even in grade school, but there they were. I think she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, and I said yes of course. It was all very innocent. We just walked around the playground holding hands, but I remember on one occasion she kissed me on the cheek. I remember it made me feel really happy inside.

I never wanted it to end, but eventually it did, and then I had to watch her walk around the playground holding another guy’s hand. I was young though, so there weren’t really any bad feelings about it, but I honestly never stopped liking her.

I never found the courage to make that ride though. I left the letter stuffed inside the handlebars of my old bike, never to be read by anyone.

I remember one day I thought up this brilliant idea. I would write her a love letter to tell her all the things I wanted to say to her. I would then get on my bicycle and pedal all the way out to her house in the country and hand deliver it. I never found the courage to make that ride though. I left the letter stuffed inside the handlebars of my old bike, never to be read by anyone.

We went though many grades together, and I watched her grow up, still always beautiful, still always positive and funny. I remember we would occasionally interact, but as I grew older, I became increasingly shyer, and I was especially shy around her.

I remember one day I ended up sitting on the bus beside her by accident. I was so nervous that I couldn’t even say anything. She didn’t say anything to me either. I loved that she was sitting with me, but it was very awkward. I thought she probably saw me as weird just sitting there perfectly quiet. If only she knew how I really felt.

I was a little heartbroken, but how could a shy guy like me ever get up the nerve to ask her out?

She eventually moved off to another town, met some guy, and got married. I don’t think she was even out of high school yet. I was a little heartbroken, but how could a shy guy like me ever get up the nerve to ask her out? I also wasn’t exactly the coolest guy around back then (That came later, 😉 ). She could do way better than me.

I had finally gained my nerve, and so I told her all about my crush on her. Turns out, she had a crush on me too.

Marriage pretty much ended any hope I had of being with her, and we eventually lost track of each other, but eventually we found each other again through the magic of social media. At some point, I began to notice that she seemed to like practically everything I posted. Curious about that, I messaged her and started a conversation. I had finally gained my nerve, and so I told her all about my crush on her. Turns out, she had a crush on me too.

We are still friends to this day, and I believe she is actually the only friend I stayed in contact with from childhood. She just started a new relationship. I hope it works out. The other day I sent her a text about one of my writing prompts. I will share our responses.

Hottie from across the garden.

Did you ever find out later that someone you had a crush on also had one on you? Did you ever tell someone that you had a crush on them? What’s your story? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to subscribe!