Tag: her

She was my muse.

I remember I once drove miles to this spot on the lake, just to take pictures to send to her. There was this deep satisfaction I had from making her happy, even for a moment. She told me her life story in the long hours we talked, and there was so much empathy I had for her. I pretended like it was fine, but she touched my heart like no one had done before. I wanted to make it up to her somehow, for life not being what it should have been all the time. She made me understand things deeper than I had ever contemplated, to feel things to a level I had never done before, sometimes even bringing tears to my eyes. I never wanted to lose that feeling. I never wanted to lose her. I just wanted to take care of her for the rest of her life, putting a new smile on her face every day, helping her to let go of the past and become the person I knew she was on the inside. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was my muse. It all started with her.

Have you ever had a muse? Has anyone ever awaked profound feelings inside you? Do you get deep satisfaction from making a special person happy? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

I should have sailed away.

Today I am asked to write about a time when I didn’t take action but wish I had.

Things were not all that well, but I still had her in my life. She said, you should bring your trailer here and live, but I was afraid. It was a time when our hearts were perfectly right. There were so many things I would have had to sacrifice though. I was afraid, so I waited too late. I took for granted that she would always be there. I let the opportunity slip through my fingers and pass me by. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am.

If I had it to do over, I would leave my life behind and go to be with her. In the end, the only thing that matters is that you are with your person. It would have been difficult, but I should have gone for it. I should have tossed off the anchor and thrown caution to the wind. I’m still tethered here to the shore, when I should be sailing through life beside her.

I hope with all my heart that an opportunity like that presents itself again, and the timing is better this time. That is the one thing that keeps me going. I won’t make the same mistake twice.

Do you have any regrets? Has the perfect opportunity ever passed you by? Have you ever met your person? Let me know in the comments, and when your person finds you, remember to let down your sails.

The period of hope.

Today, I am asked to describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to. I believe it started sometime in 2018 and lasted until late 2023. I think of this phase as the period of hope. My life was in pretty bad shape when the period began, but someone came along who gave me hope that things would improve somehow. I just couldn’t figure out how to make the right changes happen without messing a lot of things up for everyone, so I just stalled. I relied entirely on hope, but at least I had that to keep me going.

Sometime in 2023, around the time I paused on my blogging, a couple of events occurred that caused me to lose all the hope I had of a miracle happening. It seemed to have been preceded by a reading of cards, indicating that a new beginning was coming. It was also around the time the person who started this period briefly came back into my life to announce her marriage was a total failure and she had filed for divorce. I think things will keep going and I will be okay, but I don’t have much hope things will correct themselves at this point.

Now, I have the period of drinking and bar patronizing to look forward to. What joy. At least my ability to write convincing characters with severe alcohol problems is maturing rapidly. I also have the bar scene down pat, if I need to incorporate that into a book. I mean, it’s not the first time I’ve heard of writers doing a bit of wine bibbing. Steven King devoted some lines to his experience with it in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. At least I haven’t taken up smoking yet. I’m mostly just kidding about this (maybe).

It’s not all bad. The period of hope actual made me stressed enough to quit my job and take on a new one. It pretty much doubled my salary. The struggle to pay the rent kind of flew out the window after that, along with all my other money problems. Being able to live large did open up other doorways though, hence the bar hopping. It’s still lonely, but that’s kind of my fault. I can be lonely in a crowded room full of people, if it’s not the right people.

I’m not new to the phases of life, having endured quite a few by now. They all seem like mini lifetimes in themselves, barely having any relation to previous periods, each one with its own distinct personality and habits. I’m just now being introduced to this new one’s personality. Maybe he and I will become great friends by the end. You don’t know until it’s over, whether they will also be difficult to say goodbye to, or you welcome their exit off center stage with a swift kick. I guess we’ll see, but the most concerning thing to me is who I will be when they leave.

What phase did you hate to leave behind? Do phases of life seem to have a distinct personality? Ever have to give up hope on something you wanted badly? Do you struggle with loneliness? How would you describe the current phase of your life? Let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to like and subscribe!

If I were someone else.

Today, I am asked who I would want to be if I could be someone else. This is actually a fairly common thought I have. Very often, when I lay down to sleep, I make a silent wish that I could just wake up as another person. It doesn’t happen though. Every day I just wake up as me again, and again, and again. I sometimes feel like I’m that guy in Groundhog Day, repeating the same day over and over until I finally get it right.

It’s not that my life is extremely bad. I have a lot of the things that many people strive their whole life to acquire. I’m sure some people wouldn’t mind trading with me actually. It doesn’t make me happy though. I know this sounds very ungrateful, and I hate that, but it’s just so incredibly lonely to be me.

When I make this wish, it is always the same. If I could be someone else for a day, I would choose to wake up as the guy she is with now. I would spend that day doing all the things that make her happy. I would make it the best day we had ever had together. We would live like there was no tomorrow, because there wouldn’t be. It would all come to an end when my day is used up.

Who would you like to wake up as? Is there a person from your past you would like to have a day with again? Do you think someone would enjoy being you for a day? Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!