Tag: thrive

How I unwind

Today’s question is how do I unwind after a demanding day?

Believe it or not, I am under quite a bit of stress. I have people who count on me every day. Business processes would fail if I was unable to properly manage the resources for which I am responsible. Knowing this, coupled with my natural desire to keep things up and running, builds up a lot of stress inside me.

A lot of workplaces are also highly competitive, though it is often masked by nice mannerism. The battle is fought using office politics, subtle manipulation, and passive aggressive behavior. I believe it’s just the nature of people when they come together and there is some perceived prize that they think they can wriggle out of someone’s hands. In my opinion, this greatly magnifies the stress in a workplace.

I know a lot of this competitiveness stems from envy, but I have never been that envious of anyone. It’s simply not my vice, but I have other vices to make up for it. I mean, different vices call to different people. I think my lack of envy probably stems from the fact that I have never been all that competitive. I hope we all win! I can also be fairly successful without being vicious or filled with hate. My ability to succeed stems entirely from my own creativity, hard work, patience, and of course, the blessings of God.

I could write at lengths on details about why I’m stressed, but this question is about unwinding from that stress. There was a time when I didn’t really need a strategy for this, but these days I would be dragged down without doing something to recuperate. Below is a list of the things I use to unwind from the stress of the day. It’s not exhaustive, and I’m always looking for ways to destress (suggestions please!). Honestly, I sometimes fear that my life will be reduced to just doing coping methods all day, while lying in a fetal position, hoping life will leave me alone for a change. Just kidding! (maybe).

Sleep

I sleep a lot more these days. Not necessarily at night though. My sleep cycle seems to be eight or ten hours off. I really don’t start to feel awake until the sun is on its way down in the afternoon. That being said, without sleep, I will fall apart, so I take naps during the day to compensate. I take a brief one around noon, and another one when I first get home from work. It is actually surprising how much energy is restored to me from only a few minutes of shut eye. I feel like naps were once a lot more common, but after the industrial age the focus was on long hours of production. Sleep was considered lazy, but your body and mind need it desperately.

Walking

Since I moved to this city, I started walking around quite a bit. I like being out and about. There is usually something to see, and I am always meeting interesting new people. For instance, below is something I saw while walking home the other day. I also work in a building that is pretty big and spread out, so I walk quite a way indoors just to get to where I need to be. Walking is good exercise, which is important for your health, and also reduces stress.

Video of someone doing motorcycle stunts in the street.

Reading

I spend a lot of time reading, and I also like to listen to audiobooks while I’m walking around the city. I have had a scription to Audible for many years now. I used to use it while commuting, but now I mainly use it while walking. I still listen to it while driving, but it’s a really short commute to the office these days. In the past, I read a lot of self-help books. I think they helped to get me where I am today because they motivated me to keep going. Motivational and inspirational reading can help you feel better about life, which reduces stress.

Writing

I have always liked the idea of being a writer, but I don’t know that there was a good outlet for that in the past. I mean, I would start writing stories I had in mind as a kid, but then I would stall. Discovering blogging and self-publishing has opened up a new door for creativity. I have always felt like I should give something back to all those writers I read over the years. They helped me to believe in myself. They gave me hope.

Storms

I’ve mentioned this before, but the sound of rain and thunder calms me down. I feel like I am one with the spirit of the storm. If you are wondering, people who love the sound of rain are called pluviophiles. It’s a real thing.

There’s a special app I use to play rain and thunder sounds through my computer speakers. It is called Ambie, and you can get it in the Microsoft store for free. There is a lot of sounds you can mix together to get whatever ambient noise you want to hear, but I usually settle for the rain sounds. I often sleep with this on all night because it relaxes me.

There are also lots of YouTube channels that specialize in ambient rain and thunder sounds. I subscribe to a few of those. Below is an example of what I’m talking about.

Video of ambient storm sounds in a bedroom setting with a fireplace.

Music

I sometimes listen to music. Music has a profound way of changing my mood. Every song has a different effect on me, some energize me, some pull on my heart strings, some make me sad, and some inspire me to be creative. If I select just the right one, it can help to destress me from a long day.

I’m always open to suggestions if you have any. I often try new artists. Actually, I’m always looking for new things to try out, not just in music. It keeps life interesting.

I heard the one below from a remix I saw on Instagram. The post kind of called to me, so I looked up the song and artist. It’s new to me, because I don’t typically hear this type of music where I live. I kind of like it though. Maybe you will too.

A music video of Katie Melua singing Wonderful Life.

Alcohol

I was taught this was a bad thing growing up, but I sometimes think it is helpful for unwinding from a stressful day. In a previous book I read, it was mentioned that alcohol is an agent of myopia. That is to say, it numbs the mind in such a way that it can only focus on one thing at a time. This can be helpful when there are too many thoughts going through your head. Unfortunately, if that one thing is bad, it doesn’t help too much, so you have to be careful.

If you want to read more about the alcohol myopia theory I mentioned here, I suggest you read Malcolm Gladwell‘s Talking to Strangers. It’s non-fiction, but definitely an interesting read. I’ve actually read most of his books. They are all pretty thought provoking.

Friendship

I occasionally stumble upon some really awesome person who teaches me so much about life and opens my eyes to my own undiscovered self. I know those special people are sent by God at just the right time in your soul’s evolution. I owe some of them a debt I will never be able to repay. They literally saved my life. The love I have for them actually brings tears to my eyes just writing this. I wish they could remain with me for a lifetime, but there is a season to everything in this world. Only Heaven is forever, and I know I will see them there one day.

Family

I had a wonderful family. I often look back on memories of my dad and grandmother. They taught me that being good was important and that there was greater meaning to everything we do in life. They taught me about prayer and instilled a belief in a higher power. They laid the foundation to a persona that has withstood everything that life has thrown at it and even thrived. God rest their souls eternally.

There is also this thing I sometimes do when I wake up and don’t know if I can do this day. I just lay there and imagine my grandmother petting my head like she did when I was young and sick with fever. The affection that someone shows you in childhood lasts a lifetime. Till this day, I don’t think I could make it without her. It’s just a memory, but it has a profound power over reality.

Faith

The most powerful thing I have in my arsenal against everything the world can throw at me is my undying faith in almighty God. When I am at my lowest, I pray. I feel an uplifting power coming from it. It is sometimes even overwhelming, sending chills down my spine. I know his spirit is with me always. It is the one constant in my life since childhood, the one person who will never desert or forsake me, the one person who was with me in the beginning of my life and will still be there to greet me on the other side.

How do you unwind? How do you deal with stress at work? Have you ever had to deal with office politics? What vice is your weakness? Have you met any special people who get you through? Do memories change the present? Are you a pluviophile? Do you have any song suggestions? Let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Something most people don’t know about me.

When I try to think of something that most people don’t know about me, the first thing that comes to mind is something that started happening to me a few years ago. It’s not a very positive thing to talk about, so I don’t express it to many people. I honestly try to hide it. I don’t want to appear weakened by it. It won’t help them to know about it either. If anything, it might bring them down, which I don’t want to do.

For most of my life, I was the kind of person who was curious about everything. I spent countless hours reading encyclopedias and other books, educating myself on every subject imaginable. I became lost in the wonders of this world. It fascinated me to an incredible degree. I wanted to know everything about everything, all the places, things, cultures, languages, sciences, technologies, etc.

I have somehow lost all of that now. I can see my old self, the one who had all those interests, but I can’t quite reach him. He seems to be lost in a past life. I can’t become him again. Unfortunately, I left things inside of him that I desperately need to survive and thrive. I fear he is actually dead, and with him he took all my sense of wonder.

I discovered some things about this reality that made me want to shut the book and stop reading forever. I lost interest in this world because I finally realized it can never be truly fulfilling to me. It will sell promises to me, just to keep me buying from it, but when it comes time to deliver, the product is always flawed, broken, or missing some crucial part. Even if it does deliver the correct thing, it arrives too late to be of any help, or worse, it gets delivered to the wrong address.

I might add that reality’s customer service department really sucks. They never give you a refund or allow you to exchange for something else, and your complaints always fall on deaf ears. If reality were a company, I’d definitely sue them for false advertising, and boycott everything they had to sell. The best I can do is give them a bad review, so here it is, zero stars.

That’s something I think most people don’t know about me. I gave up on this reality and lost my sense of wonder, but I still try to put on a positive persona for others. I don’t want them to find their way to where I am right now, though I know many of them will. It’s not something you want people to discover about this world.

I also try to force a sense of wonder onto myself. Hoping it will just take root and start regrowing itself. I’ve never had to put energy into it before though. It was always one of the prime sources of my motivation, and now it’s draining me to keep it alive. A fatal wound may have been inflicted on it, because I’m not really sure how to staunch all my worldly interests from bleeding out of me.

What’s something people don’t know about you? Were you a very curious person growing up? Have you ever lost your sense of wonder? If you have been here before, how did you heal yourself? Do you think your reality could use some fine tuning? Do you also derive motivation from your sense of wonder? Who received the package you ordered? Let me know in the comments, and please, like, share, and subscribe!

The trait I value most about myself.

There’s a lot of traits I have that might be considered valuable, but I don’t know that I notice them too much. They are things that other people would notice more than me, because they are external traits, not internal traits. I live on the inside, not the outside. Here are few external traits that people might notice about me.

  1. I am calm under fire. Several of the people working under me noticed this about me. They sometimes worry about the outcome, and I just stay the course unwaveringly. It is impressive to them that I am fearless and calm. When something does go astray, I gently bring it back on course. It’s an odd trait I picked up over the years. I think it also comes from shifting to a growth mindset.
  2. I have some degree of charisma. It’s not overwhelming, but if people are around me for a while, we begin to unite. I think it’s because they figure out that I’m an empathic person who listens to them, and I can also be pretty fearless under normal conditions. I once read that this is what charisma is all about. It’s a combination of presence, power, and warmth.
  3. I have extensive knowledge in a wide range of fields. I spent half of my life reading textbooks, encyclopedias, and other books. I know quite a bit about computer science, electronics, engineering, psychology, biology, philosophy, etc. I’ve even studied subjects that would be considered esoteric. This is on top of degrees in business and information technology.

If you would like to read more about charisma and the growth mindset, check out these books. You won’t be disappointed.

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

What if charisma could be taught?

For the first time, science and technology have taken charisma apart, figured it out and turned it into an applied science: In controlled laboratory experiments, researchers could raise or lower people’s level of charisma as if they were turning a dial.

What you’ll find here is practical magic: unique knowledge, drawn from a variety of sciences, revealing what charisma really is and how it works. You’ll get both the insights and the techniques you need to apply this knowledge. The world will become your lab, and every person you meet, a chance to experiment.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

After decades of research, world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., discovered a simple but groundbreaking idea: the power of mindset. In this brilliant book, she shows how success in school, work, sports, the arts, and almost every area of human endeavor can be dramatically influenced by how we think about our talents and abilities. People with a fixed mindset—those who believe that abilities are fixed—are less likely to flourish than those with a growth mindset—those who believe that abilities can be developed. Mindset reveals how great parents, teachers, managers, and athletes can put this idea to use to foster outstanding accomplishment.

The trait I value the most.

After thinking about it, the trait I value most about myself isn’t any of these. The trait I value most about myself is an odd trait that is at the core of my being. I believe it might drag me down, but I still value it. If I lose it, I will lose some aspect of what makes me into the person that I am.

As I went through life, I met a couple of people along the way that I really came to love on a very deep level. When that occurred, I become very scared that something would happen to them. It caused me to try and keep them in my life and take care of them. I think a lot of people hate this type of behavior, calling it clingy, but to me this feeling is the equivalent of deep love.

I believe this is something that was accidentally taught to me growing up. My grandmother was the closest person to me in my childhood and she was very overprotective. She wouldn’t let me out of her sight for fear that I would get hit by a car, or drown in the pool, or burn myself alive, or catch some awful disease, or you name it. I heard that what was modeled to you growing up is what you think is normal, and what I experienced most was the watchful eye of caring grandparent.

This trait probably causes trouble for me because if you are one of these special people it might feel very clingy. I honestly didn’t always appreciate it growing up either, but it still translates to love in my mind. It is definitely something I like about myself, but other people may not. Basically, I want to take care of a special person and help them survive and thrive because that is how I was raised.

What trait do you value most about yourself? Are you calm under fire? Would you consider yourself charismatic? Do you have a trait that’s misunderstood? Are you a clingy person? Do you avoid clingy people? What subjects do you know the most about? Let us know in the comments, and please like, share, and subscribe! Also, thanks for reading!